Default Title - Burning Spring

chapter 1 (fix you)

Celestine pov

Doctors says nothing is wrong with me.yet nothing,no mistake pregnancy,no miscarriage,no nothing! ..for goodness sake it's been 9year. Raymond has been a good husband but for how long is he going to keep his cool? I know as much as i do that he wants a baby too...I mean who doesn't?"
I don't know for how long I was sitting on my desk oblivious to my surroundings when Sharon my closest friend since age 2 snapped me out of my thoughts.

"C'mon Celeste don't tell me you are just gonna have those fine manicured fingers curled up on that keyboard all evening, i mean it's time to get the hell outta here... it's almost show time baby.. remember it's 15th August Mitch's fundraiser and that girl has fucking sent in that invitation to you since a billion months before so you are not going to disappoint are you?"
Sharon has been one hell of a crazy human, but she is amazing, one of the few people who knows me More than myself she has been with me through thick and thin if there's anything like that.
but unfortunately I seem to have forgotten all about Mitch fundraiser

"oh my God!Help me pack Shaz,we need to get out of here"

I said all of a sudden realization dawning on me but there was no response for a moment even though she was standing right in front of me so I jerked my head up to meet her gaze..she seems to be scanning me through.

"You don't look alright Celeste.  Dare not lie to me that you are okay..once you feel you are ready to talk start talking I mean every bit of what's disturbing that gorgeous mind of yours but first pretend you didn't see a horrific movie today and put a smile on that face, thankyou and don't mention."

Typical of Sharon mazel I shrug.

***
How can I possibly look alright when I
Have spent most nights being hunted and tortured by pain and agony
Tears streaming down my heart... and yet I keep hearing the preacher saying nothing is impossible before God... haven't I been fucking having faith since 9years what has changed?
Maybe I haven't been a dedicated worshipper but I have been trying my best but it seems I was Born to have bad things keep happening to me nothing's just seem to work out for me.
Maybe I am crazy if that's what you think of me but I am a woman losing her semblance Everytime I am use to having my life traumatized... smiling seem so hard sometimes when I try to laugh there's just tears..tears of my inner burnings freeing themselves from the cages of hurt.. sometimes I just feel like I am done...
The other evening I found Murray the petite toddler in my kitchen bet the kid was possibly searching for cookies cause I always have some to spare and the innocent kid didn't know his momma has been trying to get at me for the past few days if he did understand that perhaps he won't be in my kitchen...
I have never known how to be hostile towards children or even anybody so when I caught Murray I decided to help the kid get his wish I brought out the cookie box and served him some cookies just as I was helping him to the breakfast table to have his cookie Mrs petite walked in on us looking all red and she snapped the little kid out of my hand shoving the cookie he was having in his hand back at me.

" Don't serve my baby your poison I am not the one who said you shouldn't have babies so stop making passes at me for that"

Those words tore deep into my soul like the sharp edge of a burning spear I was dumbfound.. watching her walkout my kitchen with Murray hot tears stream down my face
And at that point the only thing that played in my head was  every damn lyrics from
Coldplay's fix-you..

Lights Will guide you home...

It was just breaking through my every bone I tried to fight it off but coldplay seem stronger than I thought
And I just sank into one of the breakfast chairs and gave in to the bitterness erupting like Morten.