Douce Dépendouce

Chapter 11

She swallowed. "We'd have to go a place on Jorvik with strong Pandoriac energy and find what's keeping that still active, or the world active if it still is."

"Where do we have to go then?" I asked, my brain scanning for an answer.

She bit her lip. "The Circus."

Those words seemed to take everything up a level. Now I felt my chest breathing hard and my intense breathing filled my ears. I knew exactly why we would have to go there, and even if Ydris was still on his trip once we made it, I feared that Xin or even Ydris would somehow find out, or even return. I didn't want, or have to ask why him of such people, that had been answered a long time ago. I feared that Ydris would say something about what I told him last night, or nights before even. If I came up with Linda and played innocent about it, he would tell her the truth about it, including what I had said. She would know instantly. I couldn't let that happen, even if Ydris wasn't the one who mentioned it.

I felt myself take a small step back, ready to leave if I needed to. I tried to think of an excuse, but the only thing that came to mind was what he had said earlier.

"He's on a trip," I blurted out, my eyes snapping back at hers.

She looked at me, her expression confused. I shut my eyes, regretting what I had said.

"He's on a trip?" She repeated, her attention now fully on me.

I nodded.

"How'd you know that?" She asked, now sitting back at me.

I felt my heart pump as I looked at her, dreading what to say. I wished I could just walk out at the moment, but if I did, she wouldn't give up for an answer. I looked at the ground, sucking in a breath before I looked back up.

"I...I've been at the Circus more than you think," I said, my nerves feeding into my voice.

She still had a blankless expression. "As in for Druids? Like Avalons been sending you? When did this start?"

"Before our visit to Pandora is when it started," I replied, trying to dodge half the question.

"So, Avalon made you go to the Circus to look for Pandoric behaviour? I thought you and Alex did that and it was useless," she said.

I sighed. "No...Avalon hasn't been sending me." I paused, forcing the words out. "I've been sending myself there."

"For the Druids? Have you been going there and not-"

"It's not the Druids," I said, my voice slightly higher. I tried to settle my beating heart as she looked at me, waiting. "I, um...we've..." I shut my mouth, knowing I had to say it, there was no way around it now. I couldn't keep lying and hiding it anymore, I had to. "Ydris and I had sex."

As soon as I said that, my hand flew to my mouth, my body seeming to freeze. I knew I shouldn't have said it, but there was no way around it. I would have to end up lying even more and even if I had, it would lead me back into the situation.

"What?" Linda asked, her response seconds after what I had said. "You and Ydris...had sex?"

I nodded, feeling my chest rise harder and faster. Her face was clueless, showing no signs of anger or disappointment; I had no clue what she was thinking.

"It wasn't meant to happen though," I said, seeing Linda look around the room, taking in what I had said. "I originally went there to tell him that he needed to stop-"

"So you've been there more than once?" She interrupted.

"Yes but not all of it was for that," I quickly responded.

"So you've had sex with him more than once," she spoke, her eyes know back on me.

I sighed. "Yes, but Linda, I promise you it never was meant to happen. I simply went there to-"

"Did you want it?" She said, her voice louder.

"Want what?" I asked, on the breaking point of yelling.

"The sex," she snapped back, now standing up.

I bit my lip, breathing in a breath as my eyes travelled around. I knew the answer, I had always known it. Before all of this had started I knew I wanted it, and I still did now.

"Yes..." I finally spoke.

Lindas eyes darkened. She turned on her heel and started walking towards her book shelf, her body stiff.

"Linda please," I said, walking alongside her as she grabbed a random book, going through the pages. "I never thought it would get this far, I swear."

She continued to ignore me, walking back over to her reading corner. She sat down, placing her book down and sharply turning towards me.

"Do you want him?" She objected, her eyes filled with emotions as I looked at them.

"Yes...no- I don't know," I replied, watching her as she scooted into the corner.

"You obviously do if you've slept more than once with him."

I shut my mouth. She was right, and I had no way of telling her she wasn't. I knew she would be pissed, but not as much as this.

"Linda, I know this is not what you wanted but I didn't think it would be this bad," I said. "I'm just-"

"He's on the opposite side of the battle. He's on Pandora's side and will forever be on that side. After everything he's done to us surely to fuck you'd have an aspect on what he's planning." Her voice was loud and furious, anger and hurt laced into it. "How'd you know he's not using you for information so he can plan things?"

"He's not," I snapped back. "If he was he would have ended things a while ago. Plus, wouldn't he have tried to pull something by now?"

"How'd you know he's not lying? It wouldn't be the first time he-"

"Because I went to him last night and he had no clue on what we had done or that Pandora was a shit wreck." I had completely lost it at this point.

"You went to him last night?" Linda asked, irritation clear.

"Yes, to treat the Pandoric realms." Linda shut her book, pushing it off to the side and placing her head in her hands. "He had no idea what we had done and would have only found out if I told him."

"God, from all the people to have slept with you choose to sleep with him," she spoke, now leaning against the wall.

I swallowed. "Linda, if he had meant anything else in this he wouldn't have done what he had done. I know that what he's done was serious but that was-" I shut my mouth, seeing her pick up her phone. "What are you doing?"

"Telling the others, they deserve to know who you've slept with too," she said, her voice flat and numb.

"Linda no," I said, walking towards her. "I'll tell them myself." My voice was shaky as I spoke.

She acted like she didn't hear me. I watched as she typed away on her keyboard, soon looking up at me. "If you were honest with me, you're honest with them. You truly couldn't have picked a better time to pull stunts like this," she snapped bluntly.

With that, she simply gave me one final look before she picked back up her book, starting at the marked page. I watched her, soon turning around and walking away, knowing the conversation was finished. I opened her door, stepping out and letting it shut behind me, soon sitting down on the steps outside. I rubbed my head as I thought back to what we had said, fury burning in my chest. Linda had said things that were true, but I knew she was saying some as defending. I truly was nervous to find out what she had said to the others. If she had told them directly, or told them that I had to speak to them, either one I was nervous for; I just wished they wouldn't react how she did, or worse. Deep down though, I knew that wasn't the case, and it never would be.