No More Tears

Part 5

"Well, ok then." JJ said

"I'm smoking you wanna smoke?" I asked JJ.

He nodded and I started to roll up.

Once I was done I lit it and passed it to JJ. He hit it and then passed it to me and we continued till the blunt was gone.

I was really chill just thinking about shit while JJ was annoying John B. with his high thoughts.

"Ok I think I'm gonna head to bed." John B. said.

"Yea me to"JJ said standing up and walking to the guest room.

"Goodnight." They both said.

"Goodnight." I replied quietly.

Now I was there left with me and my thoughts.

I really didn't know what to do about Rafe. I mean of course I still love him, but he really fucked me over for a little bit. He hurt me and I didn't know what to do with myself. I never stopped caring for him though. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about him or about what he was doing or who he was with. I couldn't help but think if he was with other girls or if he was out doing drugs which he clearly was. I hated the fact that he left me but I couldn't help but want to be around him and with him. I wanted him and I couldn't have him. But now that I have that opportunity I don't know if I should take it or if I should wait. Something keeps telling me that I need to take it no matter what happens. But I don't want to make the wrong decision.

I decided to roll up again when my door creaked open. My head shot up to see Rafe standing there.

"Hey, are you good?" I said.

"Yea I was just seeing if you were ok." He said.

"Yea I'm ok, you wanna smoke?" I asked him.

"Sure." He said sitting down next to me.

"I think I have some of your clothes if you want to shower or change." I said licking the blunt one last time.

"You still have some of my clothes?" He smirked at me.

"Yea, I wore them when I was pregnant. They were comfortable and pretty much the only thing that fit me." I said

"That's cute." He chuckled running his hand through his hair.

As we started to pass the blunt back and forth my eyes started to get heavier. I leaned into Rafes side and he placed his arm over my shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?" I said

"What's your question?" He asked

"Did you ever miss me?" I asked.

He was quiet for a second.

"I missed you everyday. I just didn't know how to approach you." He said shamefully.

"I really needed you Rafe." My voice cracked as tears brimmed in my eyes.

"I was so scared. My mom kicked me out. She told me she wasn't gonna have a whore living under her roof. When I got settled here Big John went missing. I almost lost Saylah due to so much stress. When I had her, she was breathing really shallow and they took her to the NICU they minute she came out. I didn't even get to hold her. I yelled and John B. to go with them. After I almost miscarried I found out that Adrian was starting to do coke. I just went through so much shit and I was so mad at you. I wasn't mad that you left, I can understand that part. I was mad because I knew that while I was here alone and pregnant without anyone my side other than my best friends, you were out living your life as a teenager, having fun, drinking, smoking, getting into trouble when I knew that this was both our mistake it just mine." I sobbed.