Une Fleure Fanée

Week 9 Part 4 (Wednesday)

     "Are you going to eat anymore?" Pressley ventures, taking a bit of her sub.

     "Oh, I had a big breakfast," I lie, and I can tell they don't believe me, but keep quiet.

     As long as they don't say anything, I'm not gonna stop. Even if they figure it out, I'm not going to stop until I become skinny enough to please Ms. Abby and I become a good enough dancer to deserve food. I pocket the rest of my lunch, claiming I'll save it for later. I really just throw it in the trash. I also wash the tomato juice over my hands. The slimy insides on my skin disgust me.

***elliana***

     As Lilly grabs her lunchbox, I have the inkling in the back of my head that tells me to follow her. I get up from the circle and follow her. I can tell everybody knows what I'm doing. Sarah tries to stop me, but I have to do this. And as I suspected, I see her empty her sandwich in the trash can and I snap a photo before I rush back over to the group. 

     "She emptied her sandwich in the bin. Look," I whisper as I show them the photo.

     "Remind me why we can't ask?" Brady whispers to me.

     "Because what if she gets offended because she doesn't have an eating disorder?" I propose and they start to give me quizzical looks and I sigh.

     "Look, I'm gonna ask her after the competition, okay? But she's got a solo this week and I don't wanna ruin it," I hurriedly whisper as Lilly walks out and immediately goes to start packing up.

***lilly***

     Elliana definitely saw you throw away your lunch, Lilliana. And she's gonna rat on you and your whole dancing career will be thrown away. All the time and effort that your mother put in for you will be thrown away.

     I couldn't care less. I couldn't care less about everything. I shuffle back to the car once I finish packing up and we all pile back into the car. We're all exhausted and scared and me, I'm those things with a hint of hopelessness and pain.

     "So what do you guys think about the water element?" Mom asks us.

     "I mean, we could fall and slip," Gia comments and I listen to this conversation pan out into nothing.

     Basically, the entire car ride consists of memes being sent through the group chat that we all laugh at. Poor Mom can only get a glimpse of the meme every red light, and there are only a couple of them. It does create a couple of inside jokes, though, and for once, I feel a glimpse of what it feels like to be happy.

    "Hey all the moms are going to go to this local bar to celebrate the return of your mom, Brady and Hannah are all going to spend the night alone at my apartment. Doesn't that sound like fun?" Mom reveals, and I give a fake smile.

    "Yeah, that sounds chill. Are they going to be able to bring clothes and all that jazz?" I ask my mother.

     "Yeah, they just have to be at apartment 405 by five o'clock. And just letting you know, Gia, you Elliana, and Pressley are having their own little sleepover at Elliana's apartment so you guys are not left out" Mom informs us, and Gia looks down before sneering, probably at the thought of having a sleepover with Pressley.

     "What about Kamryn?" I feebly ask, all the logistics and fears running through my head.

     "She got sent home, sweetheart. Now, everybody out! Come on!" Mom tells us, all of us rushing to get out of the car.

     Poor Kammy. But you can't miss people that leave the dance team, because everybody is replaceable. My mind drifts as we go up the elevator. You're going to be replaced, Lilliana. On top of that, how are you going to be able to not eat, and cut without your friends knowing? You're in deep trouble, Lilliana.