Chaos - A Harry Potter story

Chapter 6

'They are laughing at me, not with me'

'I will not fake my way through life'

'I will not demand my fangirls to offer me a sacrifice' 

'Draco Malfoy is not an arrogant twit'

Ronald Weasley is not a lanky twat'

'Hermione Granger is not learning as much as possible so she can overthrow Great Britain'

'I will not do that thing with my tongue, nor will I do that thing with my toe'

'I can't change the spelling of words to whatever I want'

'I will stop cursing'

'I will stop actually cursing'

'I will not try to get people in school to pledge their allegiance to me'

'Chaos is not a real religion, nor do I follow it, and it does not give me permission to do whatever I want'

'I will stop doing whatever I want'

'Written pieces of paper that say 'I can do whatever I want do not count as permits that will allow me to do whatever I want'

'High explosives and schools do not mix'

'I will not attempt to buy a dragon from Hagrid'

'Underwear must be worn on the inside'

'I will stop reminding people my mother is better than theirs'

'Having a prankster for a father and one for a godfather does not give me the right to prank Draco Malfoy for seven days in a row'

'I will not yell 'he's dead' or 'she's dead' during roll calls'

'I will not do prank floo calls'

'Ronald Weasley does not bounce'

'My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man'

'People will not morph if you squeeze them hard enough'

'I will not waste an hour in potions class to create shampoo for Professor Snape'

'Adding 'just kidding' does not make it okay to insult Professor Snape'

'I will stop insulting Professor Snape'

'I will not keep throwing balls of wool at Professor McGonagall'

'I will not address Professor McGonagall as pussy'

'I am not my own long lost twin'

'I will not start fires to test our fire drills''No body cares what my definition of 'is' is''The headmaster is not a goat''I will not try to see if I can find a bezoar in the headmasters stomach''I will not scream for ice cream''Setting a record amount of punishments is not a dream goal''I have achieved my dream goal but I shouldn't be proud of it''And I will not wait for Professors to finish speaking before I leave' Wait what?"The three professors looked up to see that Harry had actually gone."How'd he do that?!" Snape demanded"I don't know" McGonagall looked around the room"I'm afraid we have bigger problems" Dumbledore said"What problems?" McGonagall asked"He took my lemon drops...again!""Great double potions" Crystal sighed as she sat next to Harry in potions class"Oh, my poor lovely girlfriend" Harry stroked her head "don't worry, I'm here for you""Thank you" Crystal sighed in the calm and relaxing feeling she got from Harry's hand "you're the best""Yes, yes I am" Harry agreed "now remember, if you can get through watching Ronald Weasley eat then you can get through this""Hmm, you're right" She said determinedlyThe door opened, except this time it didn't snap open like it normally did. No, this time it was much slower. Harry raised an eyebrow, apparently Snape was beginning to learn his lesson."Quiet you insolent brats!" Snape speed-walked into the classroom and towards his desk, leaving Harry to believe that Snape hadn't actually learnt his lesson. "The potion is on the board, read it! Make it! And shut up!""So Crystal, I'll set up and you get the supplies" Harry said"Twenty points for talking!" Snape snapped as he sat down and began reading his book, that action may or may not have erased any thought Harry may have had about not messing around today.Half an hour later, Harry ended up with something...though he really didn't know what it was. All he knew was that he probably didn't want to drink it, might have been because it was black, might have been because steam was coming out of it, might have been because everyone who breathed it in ends up looking like they're constipated. Just in case, Harry put a bubblehead charm on himself and Crystal."Okay, what did you do now?" Crystal asked"Um...not sure" Harry admitted"Ahh!" A feminine shriek came from Ron "Spiders! Spiders!""Oh, it's a fear gas" Harry realised "hmm, not bad if I do say so myself""No!" Hermione shrieked "It was only one mark Professor! Only one!""Weird but not totally unexpected!""Crocs!" Malfoy screamed "Crocs!""I sincerely hope he is referring to the animal" Harry frowned"Yellow! Yellow!" One Hufflepuff screamed"How does that work?" Crystal asked, clearly confused"Zombies! Zombies!" One muggleborn cried"Okay, little better" Harry nodded"Duck! Ducks!" A Gryffindor screamed"Umm...well...I guess I can understand that...sort of" Harry shrugged"Poetry!" A Ravenclaw screamed"The fuck is wrong with these people?" Harry said"Snakes!" Another student screamed"Okay, that's good, we're going back to the good bits" Harry smiled"Beards! Big long beards!""Mental note, lock that person in a room with Dumbledore one day" Harry whispered to himself"Snape! Snape!" A Ravenclaw shouted"Understandable" Harry said in an understanding way"Also, Snape" Crystal pointed at Snape who was frozen in terror "wonder what he's thinking of""I don't, I'll read his mind" Harry said"You can do that?" Crystal blinked "Wait, you shouldn't do that, it's wrong""Yeah...but it's Snape..." Harry argued"...""...""...""...""Fine go ahead" She shrugged"And that's why I love you" Harry grinned before looking into Snape's mind "okay, let's see what we've got, I'm expecting something good and oh...that's weird""What is it?""Well...it's me" Harry admitted"Really?" Crystal asked"Well, it's me except instead of one regular me, there are twenty baby versions of me riding on baby werewolves...whilst playing the clarinet""Huh?"I am not joking" Harry promised "well, I can understand the werewolves and me, but what about the clarinets?""Why don't you read his mind more and find out?""Because that will involve me being more intimate with Snape and I am barely able to stand being in the same room as him" Harry replied as he exited Snape's mind"Hmm, well he can't find it that scary" Crystal saidSnape's mind told a completely different story as he found himself stuck looking at baby versions of Harry Potter, the horrible proof that James potter had sex with Lily, riding little werewolves and playing the clarinet. The damn clarinet! He never feared any thing more than clarinet's, thanks to James Potter and the blasted Sirius Black!His eyes widened as he saw the demon children speak, all opening their mouths at once"Snaaaaaappppppppeeeeee" The demonic voice echoed. Snape began shaking violently, sweat poured down his forehead as his hands shivered."It's like every nightmare I ever had fused together, cloned itself, fucked the clone and then made those!" Snape gestured wildly with his arms at the reasons why he would never sleep again"We're watching you" They smiled"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!""Yeah, he's probably fine" Harry nodded in agreement"Yeah" Crystal smiled"Let's get out of here just in case""Oh heck yes"