Chaos - A Harry Potter story

Chapter 5

I've heard every joke about Oliver Wood's name is not a challenge'

'I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl'

'I will not address Prefect Tonks as the pretty prefect'

'When Professor Snape says shake it, he is referring to the potion and/or it's ingredients, not my booty'

'There is no fifth Hogwarts house, and I am neither it's founder nor a member'

'I will not ask Professor Snape to allow me to punch him to see if words appear above his head'

'Professor Snape does not have a Snape mobile, Snape wing or any other vehicle that starts with the word Snape'

'I will not play pranks with the Weasley twins'

'I will not let the Weasley twins play pranks with me'

"I will not tell Draco Malfoy why his mother is a milf nor will I tell Ronald Weasley why his mother isn't a milf'

'I will not tell Ronald Weasley why Draco's mother is a milf, nor will I tell Draco Malfoy why Ronald Weasley's mother isn't a milf'

'I will not explain to the other students what a milf means'

'My mother did not create god's gift to human kind'

'I am not god's gift to human kind'

'Springtime with Voldemort is not an exceptional idea for a class play'

'Professor Dumbledore isn't, nor has he ever been, in love with a goat'

'Asking how to keep a Gryffindor in suspense and walking away is only funny the first time'

'Caretaker Filch is not a pedophile'

'It is not amusing to jump out and shout boo at Professor Quirrell randomly'

'I am not being repressed'

'I will not fight the power'

'Crystal Peters is my girlfriend, not my second in command for when I take over the world'

'I will not greet Professor McGonagall with the words what's new pussycat?'

'I will not run up the girls stairs to see how far I go before they turn into slides'

'Hermione Granger is a muggleborn, not a mover of porn'

'It is absolutely silly to confuse the word muggleborn with mover of porn'

'Professor Snape is not hiding a stack of porn under his desk, nor has he received the previously mentioned porn from Hermione Granger'

'I will not ask Hermione Granger for porn, nor will I explain what porn means to Hermione Granger'

'Professor Snape is not into bondage'

'I will not threaten to shove a school broomstick up Draco Malfoy'

'Having a girlfriend does not mean I'm better than Professor Snape'

'Ronald Weasley does have a soul'

'The forbidden forest is forbidden for a reason'

'Dumbledore is not stealing my sweets'

'I will not ask Professor Snape if I could borrow his porn for a weekend'

'I am not, nor have I ever been the sexiest thing to enter Hogwarts'

'Trevor the toad is not, nor has he ever been the runner up for being the sexiest thing to enter Hogwarts'