EPIPHANY

Timendi causa est nescire (1)

I love him but I keep on hurting him.

Selene made another call. I am already at the verge of breaking down. Wala na akong kagalaw-galaw. Kahit ang paghinga ay tinitipid ko dahil alam ko na kaonting galaw at iiyak na ako nang tuluyan.

"Are you with Carrack?" Selene asked on her phone. "Let's videocall," Selene said then tore her phone from her ear.

Ang unang narinig na tunog mula sa cellphone ni Selene ay ang tunog ng pagtama ng kung ano sa isang bakal.

"Where are you?" Selene asked. "Where in Japan?"

"Batting center." It was Icen's voice.

"Bakit biglang nawala si Kuya? Bakit 'di nagpaalam?"

I almost jumped on my seat when Selene looked at my direction.

"It was whimsical," Icen replied. He cleared his throat. "There were gifts sent by an investor to the HQ and Rayleigh decided to take those."

"Women," Selene said in a monotone.

I can almost imagine Icen's shrug.

"And you're with them because?"

"Carrack took me. He said I could enjoy his share."

"And you're not?" Selene chuckled.

"I did. I was done."

"Gross."

Icen laughed. "What's wrong with asking them to watch our match?"

"Match?"

"Kendo," Icen said.

"Oh. I bet Carrack won."

"As always." Icen said. "Then I fucked them girls."

"Gross!" Selene shrieked.

Icen laughed. "Carrack refused to touch any of them. Said he's too mad to limit his beast."

"Hm," Selene sighed. "He's never sex-starve like Ryle"

"He's really mad, Selene." Icen chuckled. "He's been batting for almost an hour now."

"Oh, whatever it is. He'll get over it." Selene said.

"I'll hang up."

After her call, Selene decided to call it a day. Naiwan sila Oceane at Vanya sa receiving area nang pumasok na kami ni Selene sa kwarto para sa amin.

"I wasn't around when Carrack left. May nangyari ba?" Selene asked.

"I'm sleepy," I answered instead then went to the bathroom. Inside I cried my heart out.

Three weeks. I haven't seen or heard from Carrack for three long agonizing weeks.

I am slowly losing my mind. Wala akong gana sa kahit na anong bagay. I am simply waiting for days to pass. And for Carrack to finally answer my calls.

"No!" I snapped at Stella. She's insisting her ideas on me. Again.

My cousins area planning to pair me up again. And I am not a bit pleased for their plan. And I had enough.

Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata ng mga pinsan ko.

"I have enough of all of you! I said no. No. I am not doing whatever you ask me to do. Leave me alone," I almost hiss then I walked out on them.

Ikinulong ko ang sarili ko sa kwarto at hinayaan ko ang mga luha ko na malayang tumulo.