Love made Visible

XIX. Respect & accept.

Sana sat beside me and hugged me as well as Nayeon unnie.

These girls are so worried about me I can remember how scared they looked. I caressed both Sana and Nayeon's arms.

The food arrived we all went to the table that were set up by the managers. I can't help but notice they were unusually silent. We started eating. Halfway through, bit by bit they started to talk and eventually laughed too. Then they were back to their usual self. I joined in the conversation too.

After eating and clearing the table we took our things and went home.

As usual, Once we arrived we all hurriedly went to our room and get out towel and necessities and ran towards the bathroom. This time Jihyo arrived first but upon seeing me.

Jihyo: there you are. You go first so that you could rest right away.

Me: no it's okay you...

Jihyo then went behind me pushed me inside the bathroom and was about to close the door when she said

Jihyo: don't lock it. I'm just here.

Me: okay.

She smiled then closed the door. She's still worried about me. Maybe I should tell her so she could understand why I spaced out earlier.

After taking a shower I wore my bathrobe. I opened the door and saw Jihyo waiting but before I stepped out I looked at the hallway which is clear then went near her and whispered.

Me: After you've changed message me. I need to talk to you.

Jihyo: okay. I'll be quick.

After 20 minutes she messaged me.

Jihyo: I'm done.

Me: I'm coming.

I went to her room good thing no one saw me.

She let me in and have me sit on her bed.

Jihyo: what do you want to talk about?

Me: why I spaced out earlier. Technically I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you guys the reason why.

Jihyo: and that is?

I took a deep breath then began to tell her about Chaeyoung and what I was starting to feel.

After what I told her she suddenly smiled and took a deep breath too.

Jihyo: I was so relieved that it got nothing to do with anxiety nor depression. Cause we did got scared earlier.

I got startled as she suddenly gasped.

Jihyo: oh! That's why you were blushing at the picture Sana and Momo posted. And you asked me about love, which you should have figured it out by now. But Wow. That girl have that effect on you huh.

Me: its just I'm still confused. I haven't felt like this. No friend or anyone confuses me like her.

She smiled and took my hand.

Jihyo: Mina, all those feelings you're starting to feel are signs that you like or interested in this girl. Remember what I said when you aske me before?

Me: but...

She cut me off.

Jihyo: but you're confused because this is the first time you felt it and you felt it with a girl. So there's only one thing to do.

Me: which is?

Jihyo: find out if you like her as in like her romantically or like her as a friend.

I thought, do I like her romantically?how will I know?

Me: how?

Jihyo: she invited you right? And it's your rest day tomorrow. So why not spend some time with her.

I looked at her like she said something ridiculous.

Me: I... Sh... Should I?

She noded.

Me: but...what if... What if I found out that...

Jihyo: that you like her more than a friend?

I noded feeling a bit scared of just the thought of it.

Jihyo: so what?

I was surprised as she said that.

Me: what?

Jihyo: so what if you like her? Then like her, be with her. if she likes you too that'll be more great.

Be with her? Be with a girl? I started to panick just by the thought of it. She took both my hands.

Jihyo: relax. I know it'll different if ever you do like the girl. But it's not illegal. If you do then accept it cause that's who you are. We cannot dictate our heart to choose who to love. Like how I can't dictate my heart to not to love you girls.

She was right. We can't dictate our heart. But what will people say?

Me: but the people...

Jihyo: that's what sucks here. It's not generally well received YET, but there are people who's already out and proud. People are already aware those kind of relationships exist. That's why there's shows or movies with that theme. That's why fans loves to ship their idols. You don't have to care what they'd think. That shouldn't stop you from being happy.

I paused for a while.

Me: what do you think about it?

Jihyo: I'm not against it if you or any of the girls happen to like the same gender. That's okay with me cause I respect you girls and I'll accept whatever you all are. So you should too, respect and accept yourself.

She smiled at me and patted my hand. Awww I immediately hugged her, touched by all that she said.

Me: thank you. You don't know how those words meant to me. I was so confused but now atleast I know what I got to do. Thanks.

Jihyo: you're always welcome. Thank you too for trusting me by telling me.

I smiled at her I said goodnight to her and left her room.

I went to bed straight away. I did the right decision of talking to her. She made some things clear and led me to decide what I need to do.

That didn't occur to me that the things I felt were sign that I might be liking her romantically.

I sat right away with both hands on my cheeks. What if I do like her? Then I am a lesbian or bisexual. What if the girls found out would they change act differently towards me? What if our Once, the public knew? Would it be the end of my career?

Uggggh! There's a lot to think about. All the while I was blaming Chaeyoung for the things I'm feeling when there really is nothing to blame. But Jihyo's right, I need to find out for myself what my feelings for her are.

I took my phone and message her.

11.16pm

Hi sorry for the late reply We finished late. I'm already home about to go to bed.
You're probably already sleeping by now.
I would love to accompany you I really wanted to do those things too but unfortunately my schedule is tight. But I'm available tomorrow since it's my rest day. Let me know what you want to do.
I'm dead tired and sleepy.
GoodKnight 😊