Her Nerd Next Door

What I Lose Is What I'll Lose

I don't even spare her a glance as I stare out onto the road.

"It's happening again.. isn't it?" She asks lowly.

I nod my head while she takes a sharp breath.

When I first met Suzy, even at a very young age, she knew of my dad issues. Through the years, she helped me through it, and all the rough times, she was there.

That's why out of all the girls, she's the closest with me.

The girls know that me and my father don't get along, but they don't exactly know how bad it actually is.

About three years ago, I was able to get my life back on track. I wasn't so focused on my dad making my life miserable everyday.

Instead, I was able to distract myself from the problem, and from then on it hasn't bothered me as much.

Sure, it still annoyed me, but I never let it take over my life like it already did.

"Did something happen? I mean, it's been three years and you've been doing fine."

I shrug my shoulders and keep staring out onto the road.

I was embarrassed.

I was embarrassed that I can't keep this from bothering me.

"Hey, its going to be -... what's that smell?" She starts to say sitting up and sniffing the air.

I look over and we make eye contact. Her curious eyes burning into my sorrowful ones.

I watch as she stands up and yanks my bag from my arms. She takes out my water bottle and smells it.

I watch as she aggressively walks away with the bottle in hand and throws away the whole thing into the trash can.

"Lisa.. I swear.. you have NEVER took one single sip of any alcoholic drink in your f*ckin life. I know the problems you have with your dad, but you never took drinking as the answer. Tell me the whole story." She shouts glaring at me.

"It's.. n- nothing." I feel myself slur out.

Although I had a sip, I didn't realize I took that big of a sip.

But now that I think about it, I basically chugged the damn bottle in my own pool of pity.

"Really? I have known you pretty much all my life." She states crossing her arms over her chest.

Her eyes then go wide. "Wait a second." She says, I could almost hear the gears turning in her head.

"Yesterday at practice you said that Nancy's family, Krystal's family, and Jennie's family were all coming over for dinner... did something happen with Jennie -.. "

"No!" I find myself shouting as I struggle to stand up, but instead, I tumble back down to the seat.

"I'm taking that as a yes. Lisa tell me what happened."

"She couldn't."

"She couldn't want?" She asks.

"She couldn't choose." I say putting my face in my hands.

At this, she sits back down right beside me. "She couldn't choose what?"

"Us. She was talking to Krystal. I got upset and asked who's side she was on. She couldn't choose." I say.

"I know why."

But it didn't come out of Suzy's mouth, we both turn around to see Ryujin standing on the side walk only a few feet away from us.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone" She says looking the most serious I have ever seen him. Me and Suzy both look at each other before hesitantly nodding our heads.

"Krystal.... she's pregnant." I could feel both mine and Suzy's eyes going wide.

"How do you know?" I find myself asking looking at her.

"Because I was there when she told Jennie." She says shoving her hands in her pockets.

I look over at Suzy to find she was giving me a blank stare.

"Why didn't she tell me?" I ask looking at Suzy but directing my question at Ryujin.

"I told Jennie I wasn't going to tell anyone. You're just going to ask her." Ryujin says turning back around but before she does, she turns back around toward me.

"Not to be mean.. but whatever you did to Jennie.. made you an a ** hole." She says before stalking back into the building.

Both mine and Suzy's mouths drop in complete shock as we watch the door close behind her.

"Did she just?" Suzy asks, her mouth still hanging open.

"Yeah... "

"I feel like a proud parent." She says putting a hand over her heart.

Not only was that the first time we EVER heard Ryujin swear... but for the first time, I let someone break down the wall that I built for myself.

I need to let go of my past, before I lose someone else in my life.

Because I can't lose her...

Before I even had her.