Her Nerd Next Door

What I Lose Is What I'll Lose

But he chose his so called 'friends.' I can't say they were his actual friends though because they were rude. They only included him for his pay check.

I was only in second or third grade and I knew that they were money hungry.

Mom tried to stop him from going, but he convinced her that there was no chance he would miss it.

News flash, he didn't show up.

I've had trust issues ever since. That's why I rather just stick with Suzy, Jisoo, Seulgi, and Ryujin.

I let Jennie into my life.

I let Jennie become my friend.

I let myself start to have deeper feelings for Jennie.

I let myself walk right into a trap.

And I let myself feel the pain of being betrayed again.

That's why I was so angry.

That's why I said such harsh words.

I turn around slowly to see Suzy's fist almost connecting with my jaw, with all my strength, I ducked down and punched her right in the stomach.

She let out a grunt but didn't stand down.

I couldn't help all the events thumping in and out of my head.

I was growing angrier by the second.

It was like I was being trapped in my own memories.

I wanted out.

I started struggling fighting Suzy.

I started slipping.

She noticed it too.

It was almost like I was drunk on life.

"Hey Lisa are you oka-.. " but she wasn't able to finish because next thing I know I am quickly jumping out of the ring and making my way straight to the door.

"Lisa get back here!!" Coach yells at me. I grab my bag and storm out of the building and walk down the side walk to the nearest bench.

I rip my helmet off like it was suffocating me and I throw it in my bag.

I felt my hands getting sweaty so I took my boxing gloves off also and shoved them in my bag along with my helmet.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and laid my head back on the bench.

I can't believe it's happening again. I thought I got passed all the stupid shit my dad has done. All the times he wasn't there. I thought I moved on.

But this whole situation reminded me how I simply was just trying to ignore it.

It never, and maybe WILL never, go away.

I sit up instantly remembering something. I reach in my bag and grab my 'water' bottle. I never drink.

I don't even know why I brought it.

I just thought that if today's practice didn't help.. then maybe I could drink it away.

With that, I take a swing of the bottle.

When I hear a door opening, I shove it in my bag and wipe my face with the back of my hand.

I look over to Suzy walking over to me with a frustrated look on her face.

"What the hell dude?! I knew something was wrong with you but running out of the ring? I think coach might have had a heart attack." She says sitting down beside me.