And then Christian raises his hand.
I've been trying not to look at him since class started. I've been trying not to think about him because I'm already pissed off and I don't need to feel more pissed off. But he's the golden boy of the class, and when Fred gestures to him and he leans back in his seat, I can't look at him.
Christian is tall and blond. He has a light dusting of facial hair—more than scruff, less than a full beard—that would look unkempt on just about any other student. On him, it looks distinguished. He started college a little later than most students would, and before he came here, he had a high-level position in his father's company. He glances around the room, smiling, supremely confident that whatever he's going to say will be brilliant. Everyone else seems to hold their breath, already believing the same thing.
Christian also wears a suit and tie to class. Let me be honest: Most college students who dress up look like douchebags playing at being adults. They look like they care so much about their appearance that they're afraid to relax. By contrast, Christian looks like he's got the money to dress well and then another million bucks on top of that. He doesn't have to give a shit about what anyone thinks of him.
I suppose he's good-looking if you like the juxtaposition of sharp with slightly dishevelled.
Which I definitely don't. Not today.
"Here's how I see things," Christian says. At the front of the class, Fred sets his hand on his chin and nods.
"We can discuss the effect that food stamps have." Christian has a trillion-watt smile, one that could power every computer that his father's company has ever produced. "We can argue whether policies like food stamps make people lazy. We can talk about incentives, and we can talk about money. And I understand those who say that all our good intentions do is create a permanent underclass that perpetuates the cycle of poverty, that people need to work for the benefits they're given, not just have them handed to them for doing nothing."
A tide of red anger fills me. My pen gouges the paper.
"But," Christian says, "let's say we grant all that is true for the sake of argument. What are the real alternatives? We've tried doing nothing, Dickens-style, and we know how that turned out. No matter what we do, we always have a permanent underclass. The only question we have is how we treat them, and what that says about us."
Oh, that's the only question, is it? Funny. I have other questions.
Shut up, I tell myself desperately, but it's too late. My mouth seems to work of its own accord.
"I see," I hear myself say. "So poor people are lazy and doomed, but we should help them anyway so that you can take credit?" My face flushes as I speak.
Christian's eyes widen. Slowly—every second seems slow right now, drowned by the beat of my heart—he turns to me. He sits right across from me; our eyes meet, and I can see the astonishment in his gaze. I can almost feel him taking in my stained sweater, my fading jeans. I'm nothing to him.
"I'm sorry." He sounds honestly surprised as if he can't imagine that anyone would disagree with him, let alone a nothing like me. "What did you say?"
I should put my head back down. I should go back to holding my tongue, watching other people talk about my life. But I can't. The only thing I've ever had to stave off the direst consequences of Murphy's Law was a sweater and superstition, and Christian destroyed my faith in both today.
"You heard what I said." My voice is shaking. "When have you ever been on food stamps? When have you ever had to work for anything? Who gave you the right to grant that poor people are lesser beings for the sake of argument? And who the hell are you to say that the only important thing is not whether people actually starve to death, but how the world will judge the wealthy?"
His face goes white. "I work," he says. "I work really hard. It's not easy—"
"It's not easy being William Stirling's son," I finish for him. "We all know how hard you work. Your dad told the entire world when he put you in charge of his interface division at the age of fourteen. I'm sure you've worked a lot of hours, sitting at a desk and taking credit for what other people do. It must be really hard holding down a part-time job that your father gave you. I bet it leaves you almost no time to spend your millions of dollars in stock options. Hey, I guess I was wrong. You do know what it's like to get something in exchange for nothing. You're an expert at it."
