"She might of told you she was on the pill, but to be honest the pill isn't always an effective method. If you didn't want any babies you should have been more cautious and persistent with keeping your man below covered. You can't do anything about it now though. You need to fix it now."
"Mama..."
"No, fix it now hijo. You really like this girl. I don't want to hear any excuses and as a matter of fact I want to meet her. She's bringing my first grandchild into the world and I want to know her."
"Ma, I don't think you need to know her. She said she's getting an abortion maybe it's fah the best. I'm not bout to get back with her so there's no need." I said.
"Maurice, you can't be serious right now. Do you know what I went through in the past with men? Do you know how it feels not to have a father in your life? You know all of it and you still want to do this? No sir. You're not about to do this. You're going to get your stuff together and you're going to do it now."
"Ma, I love you but no. No.... I'm not." I said.
"You know what.... give me her number right now."
"Mama."
"Maurice Lorenzo Montoya, si no me das el número de esta chica ahora mismo voy a ir a tu casa y te golpearé el trasero como si tuvieras cinco años. Me escuchas? Dámela, ahora!" {Maurice Lorenzo Montoya, if you don't give me this girl's number I'm going to get up drive down to your house, and beat your ass like you're fucking five years old. Do you hear me? Give it to me now!}
Hearing her say my government and cuss let me now that she was serious. She neva cussed unless she was pissed off. I knew not to test her. I sighed before speaking.
"Bien mama." I went into my phone and got Dorinda's number then sent the contact over to my mama.
"Thank you hijo. I just got it. Now, I love you but you have to learn to do the right thing. If you have to learn the hard way then so be it, but you will learn."
"I just want you to know that we will be getting in contact with this woman and when we did we're going to get the full details on everything. You're not going to be a deadbeat. Do the right thing." Gabriela said.
"I'll be seeing you soon. I love you hijo."
"I love you too mama." She ended the call before I put my phone down.
Part of me wanted to feel a type of way because they were siding with Dorinda when they didn't even know her, but the other half of me knew that they were gon do it anyway. They weren't choosing sides. They were on the side of right. I was being a catdog. Half pussy half bitch. I needed to get my shit together.
Getting up, I headed downstairs to my studio as words began flowing through my head regarding this situation. Once I got in there I sat down at the soundboard, grabbed my pen and notepad, and started writing.
Yo
I know you don't understand my words but you will eventually
You will eventually
Some day
One day
I nodded my head as more words began to flow on the page.
I know you don't understand my words but you will eventually
And when you get older I hope you don't hold this shit against me
I hope you understand I love you more than life itself
And this is nothin' but your daddy's thoughts when he was feelin' empty
I was feeling empty. I'd hit rock bottom before but never to this extreme. I was feeling so conflicted. Part of me wanted to fix it like my mama said and make things right, but another part of me was scared. This was all happening too soon. I wanted to have my baby back in my arms because she was carrying my baby, but I knew that I didn't want to fuck up and be a fuck up like the pops I neva had. I had a choice to make.
"I know you don't understand my words but you will eventually and when you get older I hope you don't hold this shit against me. I hope you understand I love you more than life itself and this is nothing but your daddy's thoughts when he was feeling empty." I repeated out loud.
I knew that I had more to say, but for now I'd let the words flow naturally and whenever they wanted. Doe was good to me and she was something I'd never experienced before.
She was the other half of me. I didn't know it until she walked out my life, she was my better half. A nigga had his demons but one thing I knew was that I had to get my shit together.
I titled the song Forever before tucking my notepad away and walking back out the room.
I had a few things to think about.
Fix It Now
Start from the beginning
