One Shots | a. hotchner |

Killed in Action

You were in denial, were they questioning the news too? Absolutely, they also couldn't believe that he was gone. But no way in hell that they felt the pain that you did.

You all stayed silent for ten minutes and let the words sink in, process it. They couldn't understand, how could they, you both were married five years. Every night after a case you both would curl up in bed together.

You knew a side of him no one has really seen, you kept it to yourself.

"I need to go." You said walking out and along the catwalk. You went into Aarons office and shut the door.

____

Arriving at home you stared at the bed you both had slept on multiple times. You could practically see him rolling you over. Your body on his with the blanket over your head because it was cold.

You could feel the ghost of a touch when you thought about how he would run his thumb over your bottom lip when he looked down at you. When you were caged underneath him.

Dropping your bag on the floor, you collapsed. Falling to your knees as the pain coursed through your veins, you still couldn't believe it.

Tears streamed down your face at the thought of never seeing him again. All that was left was his belongings, photos, videos.

A memory

Your memory of domestic Aaron Hotchner, husband, agent, a hero to many.

Your wales could be heard from outside the house. It went on for days, phases of 'it's going to be okay' to 'I want to die.'

____

"It wasn't him." JJ said through the phone. You answered the call after you had woken up. Wrapped up in Aaron's clothes, laying on his pillow, on his side of the bed.

You wiped your hair off your face, "It wasn't" You said in disbelief.

"He could still be alive."

"So he's just missing?"

"Yeah." Here words brought you hope, a sense of relief from the anguish you were feeling.

The false hope only lasts so long before you slip back into the mindset of he's dead. "It's been months JJ, you know the odds."

"There's still a chance", Morgan chimes in. The team was at work, you had called in sick, not wanting to move. That was now a normal occurrence.

Dragging yourself to work was exhausting. On occasions you stopped going in, using your sick days.

When those ran out you would stay in Virginia and help with the case from Garcia's office. They understood the circumstances.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and saw the weight loss, your clothes were bigger but not by much. You were barely eating, eventually you ate once a day and drank enough to stay hydrated.

You did your work but after work you stopped answering the team's calls. At least once a day you would get a call from everyone and it bugged you the way the phone kept ringing.

You were in the shower, getting ready for bed.

Doing your normal routine, throwing on Aarons shirt that was now almost to your knees.

You laid your head down on his pillow, going to sleep.

____

Two hours later you hear a loud thump downstairs. Your head shot up and your hands subconsciously went to the gun that was in your bedside table. Your feet touched the cold hardwood and you steadily made your way downstairs.

Putting distance between the door and yourself you stood your ground at the bottom of the stairs. Aiming your gun where the person's abdomen would be.

You waited, watching the door handle jiggle. Somebody was trying to get in. The lights were out everywhere, the only light was from a street lamp.

When the door finally creaked open a bag was thrown in, it made you jump. But still you stand still. When it opened wider, your breath was caught in your throat. How

You drop the gun on the floor.

You felt paralyzed and yet your legs were moving on their own. Jumping forwards you were caught when the strong arms hooked under your thighs.

Your chest pressed against his, water covered his shirt.

His hand pulled you into him, your face buried in his neck. Your cries were anything but quiet and you could hear him as well.

His body tensed with every breath. You didn't realize you were on the couch until he pulled away from you, running his thumb along your bottom lip like all those times before.

The streams collected down your neck and his, your hand wiped them away. With both of you choked up, no words were spoken. His lip twitched in pain and he brought you back into his chest.

"I missed you... so fucking much."

That made everything harder, his words hit home.

You looked at him in his eyes and slammed your hand into his shoulder, "Never leave me again... please, please, please. Don't leave me ever again, I can't--" Crying again you hugged him, your legs still on him like a koala.

Your hand traveled into his hair, "I won't baby, never again. You're stuck with me." He joked, and he cracked a sad grin.

____

Hours later you still sat in his lap, wrapped around him.

Your fingers trailed up his chest, his hands on back. "The team and I have been calling you for hours." Aaron said after a while.

"My phone is off."

"I know." He said softly.

"Aaron... what happened to you?"

He took steady breaths, and collected his thoughts. "There was a raid a few weeks ago. Insurgents came down from Hindu Kush over the Afghan border. It rarely happens and none of us believed what was really happening. Me and a few other guys picked up rifles and started picking them off but they were overwhelming us. When their numbers grew we ran, leaving into the mountains, the desert."

You stopped your movements and listened closely, usually they never crossed the border. You've had your fair share of the Taliban given your tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. They were everywhere at the time.

"The next morning someone from another base found the others, all of them were dead. That's when word got out and they notified the families."

"We thought you were dead." You whispered.

"I know baby, I know." He let a few seconds go by before continuing, "I don't remember how we got there, but we fought like hell. But after all the assessments and protocols it took a while sweetheart and for that I truly apologize you didn't hear from me."

He had nothing to be sorry for, what happened was out of his control. He had rules and regulations to follow after something like that.

You curled your body against his and he reciprocated. Turning his legs onto the couch and making a cocoon around your body. You wanted to feel him, to know this wasn't a dream.

You've had like this before, but they were never this vivid.

The one thing you hadn't done yet is kiss, you hadn't felt his lips on yours because you were too focused on him being there.

You looked up at him and cupped his cheek, bringing you closer to him. His lips met yours, they were salty from the dried tears but still the best feeling in the world.

You grazed your teeth against his bottom lip and you moved back. Returning to your previous position, "I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart."