Zi Xinyu's Short Stories Translated by: timebun

Mum, I Used to Hate You

Back then, I didn't know that I could fill in my mum's name instead, so I didn't know what to do.

Thus the teacher asked, "How do you not even know what your own dad is called?"

I flushed red; then I heard a girl from the same village shout, "She doesn't have a dad!"

In an instant, all the kids in the class were bursting out in laughter.

I saw the teacher's guilty expression.

However, I was the one who lowered my head and cried for an entire year.

It was all my mum's fault for never mentioning what my dad was called.

Mum, I really hate you.

There was a year when I seemed to be waiting for something in school.

It was probably after classes; the rain was pouring heavily and many of my classmates had forgotten to bring umbrellas.

I was about twelve years old then, and I kept watching the other kids get picked up by someone bringing an umbrella.

I kept waiting and waiting, but no one came.

Other kids had young, pretty and rich mums, and they looked so clean.

Jealousy filled me as I watched from the side.

However, it wasn't until almost everyone had left that my mum finally came over eagerly with an umbrella. She was so old, so ugly, and she was so dirty all over.

Everyone thought my grandmother had come to fetch me.

The young me was worried about losing face, so I lowered my head and walked as far away from her as I could.

But she hurriedly rushed up, held the umbrella up over me and apologised.

"What's wrong? Are you angry? I didn't intend to arrive this late. I was rushing and accidentally fell..."

I saw that her arm was bleeding.

What a clumsy mum.

I hate you so much, just die.

When my maternal grandfather died, I was about fourteen.

I hid under the table and cried myself silly.

My younger brother cried for days, while my older cousin knelt in front of the corpse and my aunts rushed back and forth.

Thus, I hid under the table for an entire day.

When I was found, my aunt said, "Child, why are you hiding over here? Go and comfort your mum, she's been crying for really long and no one's managed to console her."

I crawled out shakily and went downstairs.

Only to see that while there were both happy and sad faces around, she had cried until she had collapsed to the floor. She rolled back and forth, like a child throwing a tantrum.

When my grandfather was moved to the hearse, her agitated emotions turned into full blown hysteria.

Everyone was crying, but we were still standing.