Undiscovered Secrets ~ Soukoku

Nostalgia Ch. 12

Nostalgia, the reminiscing over past events, the familiarity of a memory's situation or emotion. What a painful thing. The feeling of no longer being close to a person of the past, no longer being able to talk to them, no longer being able to feel their touch. How painful such a thing can be. What severe consequences and prices to hold such memories close and dear to your soul. What treachery it is that such a thing is to exsist. This cafe, this bakery is such a priceless place, how heartbreaking that such a place was destroyed.

The fact that Chuuya had brought Dazai there all those years ago was enough for the place to hold at least some value in the brunettes eyes. The place was demolished about 2 years ago so from time to time Dazai would go and sit on a bench near by and watch it from a distance. He knew that it, in no way, was a beneficial use of his time but for some reason he was drawn to that particular location. The man blamed it on a sense of familiarity but he not once even slightly believed that it was because he was missing another human being because that was obviously too absurd for a monster with no emotions.

When Dazai and Chuuya had just recently met, they went to the arcade during a mission just like they did on their first time working together. The ginger just thought it was another boring day. To Dazai, it was a constant reminder that he was placed in hell but for once, he thought that he might try and see if anyone would actually care. From experience, he knew that the possibility of  history repeating itself was extremely high but he wanted to risk it for once. Chuuya was on the ground and Dazai was on the wall as per usual when all of a sudden, the brunette decided to speak out of the blue.
'It's someone's birth date today... ' he began, he couldn't bare say the other variation of the word.
'And?' Chuuya questioned, walking on ahead.
'Why does that matter?' He grumbled, slightly frustrated at his random statement. Dazai paused for a moment then took a inhaled deeply.
'What if I told you it was mine?' He trailed off, Chuuya stopped and turned around.
'Yeh as if, you seem the type to never celebrate such a stupid day' The ginger turned around and continued walking while the brunette looked down.
The universe can't even grant him that one wish to have one birthday with his partner
He shut off his emotions and never spoke of his birth date ever again.
On Chuuyas birth date though, Dazai always bought Chuuya a gift to show his appreciation of his existence. One year, he bought a silver ring with the engraving Dazai <3 as Chuuya had talked about it previously. Soon after,  Dazai left the Port Mafia.

After thinking about that painful memory, Dazai decided it was time to forget all about his emotions and stupid childish schemes to make his teenage dream become a reality, so he got up off his bench and left.

~ At the Armed Detective Agency ~

'Kenji, where did Dazai go?' Atsushi asks, looking over at Dazai's empty desk.
'He said he had a date and to thank you for doing his work?' The weretiger smiled.
'By date, does he mean with that river? ' he sighed, getting up from his seat.
'I don't think so, his attitude was different this time... ' The boy beamed and smiled brightly at the weretiger.
'Im just going to go check up on him'
Suddenly, the door burst open.
'No need Atsushi-kun! I'm right here' Dazai slammed the door shut and slumped down at his desk.
'Did you actually go on a date Dazai?' Atsushi inquisitivly asks.
'No, but I did break up with someone' the brunette smiles a dark smile which startled the weretiger slightly.
'I d-didn't know you were dating anyone' Atsushi gulps nervously.
'I wasn't and aren't' Kenji looks puzzeled while Atsushi looks even more nervous.
'No need to worry Atsushi, nothing bad has happened' Dazai looked down
'Well, I think I'm going to call it a day!'
Atsushi looked up at Dazai.
'But, you've just got back?'
'Bye!' And then the door slams once again leaving then two boys shocked and puzzled.
Dazai only had to keep his distance from the Port Mafia for another 3 months or so and then his deal would be completed. He only needed to survive 3 more months.

No one in the agency knew of Dazai's birthday, honestly, no one really cared. Birthdays were only celebrated in the agency for the younger ones or for ones who cared, for the older, they were irrelevant. Atsushi hadn't noticed yet. For saying Kunikida and Dazai were the same age, the difference between the two was astronomical; that's why the weretiger never made the connection. Sentiment never had been Dazai's forté until he met Chuuya, after that, all his emotions became all disorganized and irregular. Sometimes he was his usual depressed, suicidal self and other times he became a romantic it was either that or he was a joker.

A fake... a fraud.

It's like there was a gun pointed at the brunettes head and Chuuya was the one holding it so Dazai couldn't fire it but when he wasn't there, what was to happen? Would he fire it or wait for the ginger to return? How long could he not pull the trigger, that was the more important question. Without a guide, human's fall into ruin no matter how self aware a person is, that will always be the case.

The next three months were non existent for Dazai, he was back in the poisonous mentality that life will never change, things will only ever get worse. He believed that life gives you the illusion of happiness but then wakes you up from the dream allowing people to fall back into ruin. The brunette was mindlessly living, he had no colour, no pain and no true emotion. It was as if the world had froze and he was stuck along with it unlike his soulmate who was inevitably unknowingly falling to pieces, the ginger had fallen so far away from himself he had vowed to kill the previous executive for being a traitor to the organization and this ideal was inputted in his head by no other than the Mafia boss Ogai Mori.

______

After three weeks had passed Kouyou decided it would be a good idea to inform the boss of Chuuya's declining commitment and health. Mori, being the creature that he is, came to the conclusion the best way to deal with such a matter was to exterminate his external threads of emotion that were not tied to the Port Mafia. So, the boss called Chuuya to his office.
'Chuuya so glad you could make it' Chuuya looked over and saw Kouyou standing next to his boss who currently had an ever growing grin on his face.
'Please, sit' Mori gestured to the seat opposite him.
'Kouyou informed me that your currently suffering with an illness due to mental strain, is that correct?' The boss glared harshly at the ginger now sitting infront of him.
'No, boss, that is not the case' Kouyou looked down at Chuuya, causing his anxiety level to rise dramatically.
'Are you calling Kouyou a liar?' He deeply questioned, cautioning Chuuya.
"Ahem, no sir. I'm just saying that she may have misinformed you of my situation a bit. Around three weeks ago I had a mild tremor in my hands due to a mild overdose, that's all sir" Internally, Chuuya was about to burst, all this conflict that he was usually so calm with, was starting to overwhelm him.
'I see, and what seemed to cause this overdose?' Chuuya shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
'Medication for my insomnia sir, but it won't happen again because I have taken precautions--'
'Ive heard enough'
Chuuya was silenced.
'How about I tell you some things about Dazai, Chuuya' the old man smirked evily and watched as Chuuya's eyes widened with intruige.
'Let me tell you about the man who was seen as heartless but in reality had his mind clouded which led to his demise'
The gingers eyes widened.
'Don't worry, I will tell you everything right from when you met'

*heh so this week I just have not been motivated to write but I managed to churn out a the last bit, I wrote the first like three quarters last week, but just lost motivation this week.
Im sorryyy 😭
Im trying to keep it together and consistent but it's just not worked Im sorryyyy.
I'll try to do better.
Feel free to comment your opinions I love reading them, it motivates me, the same with votes. I like them
You dont have to ofc
Its obviously a choice.
K love you all and I'll
See you next monday 😊
Byee x