Hard to Love (Bucky Barnes fanfic)

Chapter 66

A few seconds later, I open my eyes again. Looking around the team who all had a variety of different smirks and grins on their faces. I go to look down at myself but don't see anything. I release a gasp as a smile forms on my face. Happy tears rimming my vision and relief coursing through me

I still have them!

I drop my focus, reappearing to the team and practically jump into Buckys arms. Forcing him into a hug as more elated and shocked huffs leave me. I feel Bucky smile against the side of my head before putting me down to finish the meeting with Bruce

"I think that's everything we can check for now until you get here." Bruce announces after another thirty minutes of scanning and analyzing me

Having Nat get a swab sample from my injured shoulder for any remnants of whatever was in the bullet before stitching me up. Not that I really needed it, whatever happened to my body after I went 'god mode' in the club seemed to enhance my healing properties. At least for that short period of time. The line across my ribs from where one of the bullets had grazed me was now scabbed over and nearly half its original size

"How do you feel?" He asks before I can walk away

With a shrug, I bring a hand to the back of my neck and rub it almost nervously. "Fine, I guess. Normal but... not. Different. Does that make sense?" I fumble for the right word to describe how I actually felt. I was still reeling and processing everything

Bruce nods slowly, putting down his clipboard and sitting on the corner of a table. "You did just go through a pretty stressful situation. I'd be more surprised if you felt 'normal'."

"I..." I mumble, all words fading away as I get flashbacks of the last three months. The entire jet going silent once more as I lose myself to my mind

Thinking over everything that's happened since my rescue mission. All the things I said, the things I did

"Physically I feel decent, weaker than before obviously but, manageable. I'll recover." I shrug as I spoke. "Mentally... that's a different story." I drag out my words

"Again, you went through an extreme situation, it's common to feel rattled about it." Bruce offers but I shake my head at him

"It's not just that. I... it's like everything I did is coming to light. I hurt people. Killed dozens, if not hundreds." I wrap my arms around myself. "I killed a man out of pure spite because I wanted revenge. For him to feel the pain I went through by the hands of him." I slightly frown at the memory. "He tortured not just myself, but the others with the Stone. And I wanted vengeance."

As sweet as it felt to get payback for such a wrong doing not just to me but to four other people, and ridding the world of one more sadistic Nazi scientist fuck, it left the smallest of sour tastes in my mouth. Lingering at the back of my throat just enough to bother me

"Mel," Wanda starts, her eyes dancing around the group briefly. "You can't beat yourself up for that." She pauses to look over at Vision

"When Ultron killed my brother... I too acted out of anger, and pain. Wanting him to feel the suffering I did, just like you."

Vision tenderly grabs Wandas hand in his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. We all know it's hard for her to speak of Pietro and what happened. So I listen to every word she spoke, relating to one another in this fucked up way