Dust To Dust- Bucky Barnes

Bring Me Back

Steve and I slept most nights in the hospital beds next to Bucky's. It felt strange at first, since he still didn't know who I was, but if he needed me, I'd be there for him. He may not have remembered me, or our time together, but he'd done much harder things for me. Still, even with us there, most nights he still didn't appear to sleep that well.

He'd been up most evenings trying to piece together the few memories he did have. He couldn't rest until he'd talked through everything he could remember, asking Steve and I the order of events repeatedly, until he got them down pat. It took all we had to finally get him to rest. It wasn't long before it was apparent he'd need more help than we could give him.

That's when Shuri gave him the full memory bank we'd compiled for him. He looked through a lot of the memories from just after being separated from Steve and he immediately asked to have his time as the Winter Soldier omitted. I knew that those would be some of the hardest days, but after he'd seen the generated memory of falling to his death, and receiving his metal arm, he'd stopped speaking for three days. So we did everything we could to keep things positive.

Bucky really seemed to enjoy discussing the events in his life from the present, working backwards, finding the past few years to be the easiest to discuss. Even with the few months he'd reverted back to the Winter Soldier, he'd found a way to work through those memories. Even so, it was okay with me, because those were the years I knew the most about.

I couldn't blame him for wanting to live in the good times, I would too if I'd learned I was someone's puppet for nearly seventy years.

It took us a few weeks to start talking through some of the darker parts of his existence. Even with a therapist helping him work through a lot of his problems, it wasn't always smooth sailing.

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"Alright, Bucky. Take a deep breath. Now, focus on your anchors. Margaret is holding your hand and Steve is clutching your shoulder. If at any time you are feeling overwhelmed, just focus on them. Alright?" Bucky's therapist whispered, trying to calm Bucky's ever racing mind.

He nodded, saying, "Got it doc. I'm ready for this. Let's dig a little deeper."

With his consent, she started, "Alright. Bucky, close your eyes and we'll begin." She paused until he did. "Now, we've talked about what happened when you first met Steve in Washington D.C., as the Winter Soldier. You've done great getting this far, but let's discuss the reason you were brought there. Is that alright?"

He nodded, taking a heaving breath, preparing himself for the pain to come.

She continued, "Alright. When you met Steve Rogers in D.C., you'd just done something under orders from your commander. Can you imagine what that was?"

Bucky tightened his grip on my hand and responded. "I don't remember the details, but I'm sure I was there to kill someone. Right?"

She murmured, "That is accurate. That person was Nick Fury. He was the director of SHIELD, the defense agency that was dismantled to stop HYDRA. Remember that?"

Bucky nodded, sighing, "I don't remember, but that makes sense. HYDRA would have a problem with someone that wasn't on their side in power, wouldn't want their secrets getting out."

"Exactly. Bucky, you should know that Nick Fury survived. He lives near D.C. to this day. How does that make you feel?"

"Relieved, because I know that most of my hits went a different way." He grumbled, closing his eyes tighter, moving to lace his fingers with mine.