It's Not Just Business

Chapter Eighteen

Perhaps that was the reason that last night he insisted on wearing a condom. At first I thought it was because he thought I wasn't clean or something. So I told him he was my first and he assured me it wasn't that. Now it made sense, he didn't want me to get pregnant. I guess I'm going to start taking birth control pills.

Well after last night I'd already decided to start taking those, because I didn't want to get pregnant now. Aaron and I were barely taking our relationship to another level and there was also the fact that I was too young to be a mother. I wanted to wait until I was a few more years older. To at least have a two in front of my age. But in the future, in the future I wanted a baby. Aaron's baby. Our baby. To make a beautiful baby together.

I didn't realize I'd been stuffing my face with food until Aaron disrupted my thoughts.

"It's not that I don't want kids. I do actually. It'll be amazing to have our kids running around the house. But you're too young. I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't risk your life like that. It happened once, I don't think I'll be able to handle it if I lost you too." there was a sadness in his voice, pain in his eyes as he explained.

"I... I don't understand." I frowned. What had happened?

Aaron looked away from me to stare at the land before him. When he spoke again it sent chills down my spine. The hurt, the sadness seemed to consume him.

"A few years back I married Lillian. She was a beautiful girl. So young and carefree. We fell in love and, like I said, married. A year into that marriage Lily got pregnant. I remember feeling scared, I mean I was going to be a father. How do you know how to be a father? The first few months were perfect. Everything was perfect. But then the pregnancy got complicated. Lily couldn't get out of bed because there was a risk of abortion. She had to spend the last few months confined in our bedroom. Then she was ready to give birth two months before she was supposed to. Everything got complicated. It all came down to me choosing who I wanted to live, the baby or Lily. Of course I said I wanted both. But then I didn't have to choose, I didn't have to think, because Lily's heart stopped beating. And the baby... our baby died a few minutes after being born." Aaron sighed, still not looking at me. "She was only nineteen. Too young. That's why I can't do that to you. I cant risk loosing you. That is why I would like to wait until you're older, until the risk isn't too high. Until I know that I won't be loosing you or our baby."

And I was crying my eyes out.

I suddenly got a glimpse of me hugging Aaron in what seemed to be a bathroom but it was gone too fast, only leaving my heart racing. So I got up and sat next to Aaron, grabbing his hand and leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry about what happened to Lily. If I'd know I wouldn't have brought this up."

"You're crying. Why are you crying?" he seemed to be panicking a little as he looked down at me. I chuckled and kissed his arm.

"I'm fine. Its just... it's so sad what happened and I'm truly sorry I made you relieve that." I sighed, wiping away the tears with my free hand. "And when I said I wanted kids, I meant in the future. As in a couple of years in the future. At least until I'm twenty something. Until we both know what we want and have a small sense of what we're doing."

"Thank you." Aaron smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"That means I'm going to start taking birth control pills, so we're going shopping this evening. There must be a town near, a pharmacy or something right? Because we're not going celibate after you run out of condoms." I blushed but it worked because Aaron chuckled and that hurt in his eyes started to slowly fade.

"There's a town nearby. We could go check that out because I don't have any more condoms." Aaron laughed at my face and deep inside I was jumping with happiness to have managed to distract Aaron from the painful memories I made him relive.