Forever. Or Never. (One Direction)

Chapter 8.

I sighed. “Jane, look I’m sorry. I haven’t been telling you things lately because I don’t even know what’s going on here. I’m acting like a slut, I know but I just can’t figure things out. I promise, I will tell you everything later, okay?”

A soft smile spread across Jane’s face. “It's fine but you better! Not like all the other times you say you will and then never do.” She sent me a playful glare.

“I will. Err, Do you want to go out there?” I asked motioning outside to where the guys were probably all devouring the cake with just their hands since Zayn hadn't bothered to grab any forks before he left. I don’t like the idea of all of them being alone, especially with whatever is going on between Zayn and I. All of the boys know that something is going on since Louis and Niall talked to me, and Liam and Harry talked to Zayn. Even though I don’t know the lads very well I have no doubt that they all exchanged information that way every one of them could be on the same page.

“Sure. Are you going to talk to Austin?” Jane asked inspecting my expression carefully. We both slowly started walking towards the glass slider door.

“I think I have too.” I bit my lip. It’s not safe that all the boys know that something is happening. I need to tell Austin before anyone else does. “I just don’t know if I want us to end, I don’t know if I want to let myself trust Zayn again. The worst part is, it’s not my choice. Once I tell Austin he could chose to never talk to me again which would kill me. I still love him, Jane. Austin was always there for me when I needed him. But I know that if I stay with him, It will hurt Zayn. It’s a lose- lose situation no matter  what.” I let out a loud breath. Since when did my life become some bad soap opera?

“Sit down.” Jane commanded, stopping at the table. She took a seat in the same chair Zayn sat in during our conversation this morning.  I stood there for a moment contemplating if this was actually a good idea, the boys were probably wondering where we are by now. I glanced outside. The sun was beginning to set over the lake, I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. Austin would want to go home shortly since it’s a long drive and I have yet to talk to him.

“Can we do this later?” I muttered. I ran my fingers through the length of my hair that was tied up into a long pony tail, carefully inspecting the ends of my hairs for split ends.

Jane looked at me with a serious expression which isn’t normal for her bubbly self. “No. You obviously need to talk before everything spirals even more out of control.”

I let out a frustrated breath, letting Jane know she was right. My previous conversation with Zayn didn’t exactly write the answers about what I want to do in the stars, it just made me even more confused and I haven’t even talked to Austin yet. “Fine” I sat down in the chair across from her.

I stared down at my lap, playing with my fingers trying to waste time. I looked over to the grandfather clock in the hallway. I watched intently as the ball ticked back and forth with every passing second. Its funny how slow time can really be when it’s the only thing you pay any attention too. Jane cleared her throat softly. “Talk.” She encouraged me.

“I don’t even know where to start.” I let out without any thought.

“Okay, I’ll help.” Jane said. “How do you feel about Zayn right now?”

“Um.” I bit my lip. Why was she even asking me this right now? If I tell her I have feelings for Zayn, I look bad because of Austin but if I say I don’t have any feelings for him, I look bad because I’m leading Zayn on. Was this some sort of trap? “I have a boyfriend.” I said flatly.

Jane let out a chuckle. “I didn’t ask that.”

“No. Instead you asked about Zayn, that way when I admit that I really do like him I look even more like a slut than I already am.” I accused harshly.