Oneshots?

Bed.

The boy blinked blankly, his mind wandering as he lay alone. He felt lonely but didn't wish to seek company in the family that was barely a metre or two away from him. Motivation is what he lacked, all he felt he could do is lay there as the noise from the television failed to silence his thoughts. Turning over to face the wall closest to the television he sighed letting his thoughts absorb him over his better judgement telling him not to succumb to his mind.

Am I truely who I believe I am? Would I even know if I was faking it? Purely deceiving myself into believing I was someone else.. What if I'm not who I think I am, they'll tell me I was wrong.. I don't want to be wrong..

I̷̮̖͖̦̣̒̍ ̷̳̘͉̘̑̃̂̀̋H̷͖͔̞͖̤̬̭̍͜Ạ̴̪̠̦͙͙̲̓T̷̢͐̿͊̍̀̔̎͊̎̎E̴͍̟͕͙̱͈͇̣̐͗͑͑͂̐͘ ̸̢̤̣̣̻̩̀̈́̀̉̈́̐̏̇̚̚͜B̶͎̰̪̲̮͗̍̇E̴̢̱̻̼̬̠̭͋͛̽̈́̋̀̿͘I̴̺͚̙̹̾̓̀͐̄N̶̨̼͍̹̣̣͓̉̌̄͗̈́̈̐G̴͙̭̲͈̩̈̒ ̸̨̰͆W̶̭̻̺̰̎̍̚͠R̷̢̧̟͉̙͖͈̹̘̣͋̋͂Õ̵̢̖̺̙̬͕̲̻͑͋̆̐͐͒͝N̷̬̟͙̖̘̖̞̻͙̄̄͌G̵̢̡̺̯̳̯̯̩̭̜̈̆̏͐̇̈.̴̲̈́͑̀.

Quickly realising that the thoughts had been slowly gaining control of him and grasping hold of him the boy decided he'd focus on something else to distract him. He hoped that the television would help with averting his attention from his mind. Directing his attention to the screen he saw that it was not the video he had been watching when he looked away, brushing it off he focused on the familiar blonde on the screen. He was momentarily distracted, the blonde on screen who he derived comfort from keeping his attention for a little. Only for the boy to look away from the screen and stare at the wall. His mind grabbing hold of him and pulling him in.

I wish I had short fluffy hair like his, be a real boy like him. If only.. I should get out of bed and make myself some food, but then I have to deal with them..

He sighed flipping onto his back staring at the ceiling, the blank white paint turning different colours and tints due to the video playing pointlessly to his right on the television. Reaching up a hand to the ceiling the boy longed to get these feelings out, brushing that thought off he grabbed his phone and opened TikTok. 

This will distract me, I can get my mind off things with this. It always distracts me so now will be the same right?.. I sure hope so, I don't know how much longer I can go before I start crying like the stupid baby I am. Hopefully there isn't any drama I have to see when I scroll..

Scrolling mindlessly he stared at his screen, the feeling of uneasiness still lingering in his stomach he ignored it. The boy was hoping he wouldn't come across certain videos he knew he wouldn't be able to handle right now. Unfortunately for him his feed didn't feel like helping him with the current situation he was dealing with right now, deciding it would be fun to edge on the mood his feed showed him those cliche "It will be ok.. you're strong." Videos, he frowned angrily and scrolled past. Tears were threatening to slide down his face as he came across more and more of those videos, eventually he couldn't hold it in anymore and dropped his phone next to him and let the tears fall. He looked to the ceiling, cursing at himself in his mind.

Why am I such a fucking baby.. People deal with way worse than you do everyday, yet here you are crying over the fact that you don't know who you are properly and having people call you the wrong pronouns and name even though you haven't told them.. Since these stupid bloody tears want to get out so bad I should just get them out..

Wrapping his arms around his oodie due to it being the only thing that could even slightly substitute for his lover he longed to hold close and kiss he buried his face into it. He cried quietly thoughts racing through his mind as he let it out as quietly and as much as he could. Relaxing after he finished crying he wiped his eyes slightly, choosing to relax and lay his head on the soft surface he hugged and close his eyes. Listening to the surrounding sounds he let out a shaky sigh. Opening his eyes he stared, not at anything  in general catching his attention, purely just staring as he thought things through.

I should do something productive, make use of today somehow.. I hope I'll see him soon..