Broken Pieces

Falling Apart

"Stop kicking, you foolish boy!" the older man snapped, desperately trying to regain a semblance of control over the situation.

"NO!" came the screamed reply as the boy renewed his struggles to get out of his grasp.

"I am not your uncle, Potte-," he broke off as he tried to dodge a flailing arm, "You're having a nightmare, oh for the love of- Potter. Breathe. I am Professor Snape. You. Are. At. Hogwarts. Potter! "

This was no good. He looked at the boy then, properly looked at him and what he saw was a wild mess of emotions. The boy was hysterical, absolutely ridiculous and...and - Ashamed.

He was ashamed. Untrusting. Defeated. No, no, he was terrified.

The boy tried to rip away from his grasp; babbling repeatedly what sounded suspiciously like inane apologies with tears pouring down his cheeks, and Severus's heart broke a little just then.

"Potter. Potter!" He stopped, then, "Harry."  He whispered instead, unusually desperate to ease some of the raw suffering before him. To help provide a wisp of comfort that might erase the raw anguish and pain that he saw reflected in the boy every day but that merely heightened during the night; when it was the time for everyone to face the ghosts that lurked around in their subconscious, waiting. It was unfortunate that theirs were more alike to demons. Regardless, they were always there- in the way he fidgeted when addressed, or...or when he lowered his head in shame, or when he- oh merlin, flinched, every time someone so much as got near to him.

"Harry, please." He tried again, his voice barely above a whisper.

And the boy stopped. He stopped struggling and Severus let out a nearly-silent sigh of relief as an ebony mass of curls cautiously lifted up to reveal glistening emerald eyes, wide with recognition, and so, so wound with misery that it triggered such a fierce protective instinct within him that it surprised even himself.

Although taking into consideration how the past weeks had been going; he shouldn't be all that surprised to realize that he would protect this boy from any peril, and if need be, even from himself; and he would maim anyone who tried to hurt this boy. This boy, who had somehow managed to worm its way into Severus's well-fortified heart, effectively warming it and healing some of the gaping, seeping wounds that had lied within its walls. But he was. He was surprised to realize, in a moment of uncanny clarification; that he would do anything, anything for this boy who was currently apologizing to him for waking him up whilst reluctantly pulling away from him. Anything.

"Come here," he said abruptly, voice still a whisper, and opened his arms in a plain invitation to embrace him. It was not an order; it was a request. He sat, waiting for Harry to decide what he wanted. He would respect his wishes. It didn't matter whether Harry wanted physical comfort or not, he should regardless be aware that he had the option.

He had meant it. Severus would do anything; and if that meant taking a giant leap across his comfort zones to provide some of it to this teenager, then so be it.

But Harry looked startled, like a deer caught in headlights; and Severus surmised that this must be as awkward for Harry as it was for him. He waited there, an uncomfortable silence settling down between them; feeling rather foolish. Just as he had finally conceded defeat and began lowering his arms, the boy reached forwards, seemingly broken out of his reverie.

Harry cautiously wrapped his arms around the older man's torso, praying to heaven he was doing this 'hug' thing right and clutched tightly at the darker fabric that encased the arms that were reaching out to wrap around him, pulling him close; comforting him. The professor just held him there, both of them barely breathing, but as he began relaxing into the embrace, a tidal wave of emotions swept through Harry. He didn't know when or even why the first sob escaped; or when the tears started cascading down his cheeks, his emaciated body trembling with each heart-wrenching sob that echoed throughout the room. He didn't notice when the trembles turned into violent shakes, only that it was too much. It was just too bloody much to suppress anymore, and the only way he could think of to release the raw, etched pain within him was to sob, and to cry, letting it flow out of him in a surge of extreme vulnerability, sorrow and gut-wrenching agony.

He lay there, shaking, safely ensconced in Severus' arms, so completely awash in safety and love for the first time that it confused him to no end, only frustrating him more. Is this how it felt? To have someone love you? To hold you as you cried? He had never known this before, but now that he did, he couldn't say he had loved anything more than the warmth of this safe embrace that wrapped around him like a blanket on an exceptionally chilly night. Protecting him from the rest of the world, hiding him away. Just for a moment.

He didn't notice when he ran out tears, or when his hiccupping sobs turned into quiet whimpers, only that the warm hands had held him throughout, pulling him in and stroking his head; offering comfort when no one else ever had to him. He did not notice as his trembles eased into slight shivers, only that the warm, safe, hands embraced him and warm lips lightly brushed his forehead as he began to drift into a deep sleep; hopefully without any nightmares for once. And as he gave his last whimper, he did not notice that he was falling apart, only that Severus was their to catch him.

fin