2:34 a.m. 7/21/21
I have no idea what this is, but I'm super fucking depressed and I have no one to talk to. I used to be able to talk to Mac and he would help me when I felt like this, but now he can't. Life has been overwhelming and I'm just so tired all the time. It seems like just too much work to exist. I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate, and work has been so draining. I feel so overjoyed when I work with my friends and the people I like, yet I still feel so lonely. I both feel that people rely on me, yet if I just up and left, no fucks would be given. I don't impact peoples lives. I am nothing. I am a waste of space. I am ears for listening to others' problems. I am a shoulder to cry on.
So many problems. And always the same thing. I don't mind listening to others' problems, but there is a point when you can only take so much in without expelling anything out until you hit a wall. And I hit that wall a long time ago. Since I feel like I don't matter, I feel as though my problems and opinions aren't valid or that they're not as important. I will never put myself first before others. This is why I CANNOT have problems. How can I help someone who is helping me? Someone who already has enough on their plate?
I've been having problems too. I don't know what my future will be like. I am single and see no likelihood of a significant other anytime soon (since I'm fat and ugly AF). I feel alone. I am alone. I am overworked and underpaid. I have feelings for someone I shouldn't have. I have nothing going for me. I thought I was good at my job but obviously not since I was not promoted or considered for a promotion. It scares me to say that I want to kill myself, but I guess I really just wish I never existed. I was a mistake anyways. No one likes mistakes. I could save everyone from the unfortunate encounter of meeting me.
What an unfortunate thing it would be to ever cross paths with me.
