HOLD ON

Loving and Fighting, Accusing Denying

“Ohh hey by chance if we see each other again, do you want to get some coffee? Or anything, really”

Felix's eyes widened. Was he being hit on?

“I- uh..”, Felix couldn't even reply, too taken aback.

“Oh right by the way I don't have any bad intentions.. I have a boyfriend if that helps, and I wouldn't cheat on him even if I was given the chance.. I love him..”, he was quiet for a second, a soft smile on his face and it was clear he was whipped.

“OH I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Yeonjun”, he held out his hand. Felix was unsure, but slowly lifted his hand to shake it.

“Oh uh.. okay sure. If we do see each other again, that is”, Felix finally said.

Yeonjun smiled.

“Okay! I hope we see each other soon then! Bye!”

Yeonjun shouted running off.

“Alright..”

Felix started walking towards his house again, the weird interaction confusing him, but he was glad Yeonjun wasn't hitting on him, he did have a boyfriend he was going home to after all.

Boyfriend..Chan..

Reality hit him, and he once again got reminded that he in fact did have a boyfriend, a boyfriend he never even shared his feelings with anymore, a boyfriend who he only argued with..

The thoughts in his head distracted him of his journey, as his legs led him to his shared apartment. He stopped in front of the door, standing still for a moment to sigh, opening the door when he tapped in the password.

Empty. No, the apartment wasn't empty, but inside, he was. Berry came up to his feet, welcoming him as her ears flapped around.

He took off his shoes and patted Berry, not even bothering to look around, as Chan would be watching television in the living room. Slowly, he made way to the dining table, putting the bags on it.

He took the toiletries out, and left the others for later.

Chan stared at his boyfriend who was now going towards their bedroom.

He wanted to make up, he really did. But every time he made an attempt to do it, it always led to an argument. It was frustrating to not be able to hold his boyfriend, his lover. He hated their situation. He despised how every second they spent together seemed to be used by their useless quarrels.

He hugged the throwpillow every night, trying to replace Felix's warmth with it, but alas it wasn't the same. He cried every night, unable to sleep. The sleeping pills he took seemed useless at that point.

He wanted whatever shit was going on to end, and tell the boy how much he loved and cared for him. But jealousy and pettiness overtook their inner, real thoughts, words they wanted to say coming out more different than they intended, coming out with venom.

But not anymore, this was coming to an end. He made a plan, buying stuff for Felix to make up. Plushies and cake, the freckled boy's favorite things. Smiling to himself, he thought of how happy they would be again, when his thoughts were interrupted with their bedroom door slamming open, revealing a tear-filled Felix holding the plushies intended for him. It was clear to see, yet another misunderstanding.

“What is this?”, he asked breathlessly, his teeth clenched.

Too shocked to reply at the moment, Chan just stared.

“I ASKED WHAT THIS IS CHRISTOPHER!”, he shouted this time.

“Felix calm down–”, Chan attempted to calm him down, but it was useless.

Eyes red with tears streaming down his face, Felix screamed, “ANSWER ME!”

“Lix please calm down first–”

“YOU'RE EVEN CHEATING ON ME NOW?! AND WHY'RE YOU PUTTING THIS ON OUR BED? WHAT? YOU TRYING TO SHOW OFF?!”

His shouts filled the room as Chan desperately tried to calm down Felix first before speaking.

“Felix those are for you!”, Chan shouted back. Those words landed in deaf ears, only echoing back, Felix being too heated to think rationally.

“Are you seriously fucking lying right now Christopher Bang?!”, Felix said with wide red eyes. He tsked as he looked away.

“Felix I'm telling the fucking truth! Why the hell aren't you believing me?!”

Anger finally took over with frustration.

Felix laughed sarcastically as he answered, “If you were fucking believable I would motherfucker! How do you expect me to believe you when I know you would take the smallest chance you get to go fuck another person?! You could at least try to be subtle you piece of shit!”

Their argument only got more heated, and Chan was now clouded with anger, logic and reasonable thoughts thrown out the window. Words of betrayal and accusations were exchanged, along with denials.

“Don’t act like you weren't all over Jeongin last week!”

“Lee Felix do not bring him into this!”

“Or what Bang?!”

“He's fucking innocent! But what about you huh?! Weren't you and Changbin basically eye fucking each other the other day?!”

“He's my best friend! Why are you having those disgusting thoughts?!”

“You fucking were don't you dare deny it with that bullshit!”, his voice was equal to a lion's roar, his veins visible on his neck and forehead. Their shouts echoed in the empty halls outside. Surely, the neighbours could hear them, but they didn't try to come and stop their little quarrel now, as it had become normal.

“You know what?! I'm done with your bullshit!”

“What makes you think I'm not?!”

Felix flipped him off as he went inside their bedroom, slamming the door.

Chan stood alone in the living room, standing still for a moment before finally breaking down. He fell on his knees, tears streaming down his face. His sobs and sniffs being the only noises available. Why can't he do anything right? Why does life hate him so much?

“Why god why..”, he asked, head buried in his arms with the never-ending tears.

🍀

thoughts?