Lovers Quarrel

Scared of the Dark

Gulf wails got louder as Mew was dead silent. Gulfs words were ringing in his ears as he held gulfs already limp body in his hands.

G: I was going to do this anyway after today. But I didn't expect your proposal. I've been trying to prepare myself and wait until I finally come to terms with it so it wouldn't hurt as much. Sooner or later this relationship would have had to come to an end.

🌻💍

Both guys had collected themselves as they now laid on the floors eyes facing the skies. They were a few feet apart.

Gulf had wiped his face with his coat sleeves as silence engulfed them both.

M: when did you find out?

G: I've known for a while. About 6 months ago. One day I went by the office to drop off a document and lunch that you left at home. I was so excited to see you and I thought you'd be excited to see me too since we only ever got to see each other out of work.

I was about to knock on the office but heard noises. At first I thought you was in a meeting but they didn't sound like meeting noises. And that was the first time I caught you.

The second time was on the set of your recent project. I had the day off and then again wanted to surprise you. But it seems as though you were also good with surprises when I saw you and one of the actress exiting a storage closet trying to fix yourselves up. When I entered the closet I saw an empty condom wrapper.

And the last time was 3 months ago when the actress I saw you come out the closet with visited me at my job. She told me that she was pregnant and that she was sure the child was yours. I didn't want to believe her but with all I had been seeing I had no other choice but to.

But she wasn't convinced if I believed her and she showed me pictures of you and guys going out on dates and pictures of you dropping her off at home.

A single drop of tear escaped gulfs eyes once more.

G: Mew you know how much I hate the dark but every night you would come home late, or cancel our plans thinking I wouldn't notice, you'd actually pushed me further into the dark. Many nights I had panic attacks and when you thought I was sleeping I would pass out only to not wake up until the next day.

Many days I tried to confront you, but i was never strong enough for it. Then suddenly you started being nicer to me. I thought that you might come clean about your actions but you never did. Only for that same actress to visit me apologizing about thinking that the baby could be yours. That the baby was actually her boyfriends.

She explained how you told her that you regretted everything and that you only cheated on me because you wasn't sure that we really were meant for each other. She explained a lot of things to me Mew. And the fact that I learned so much about you from a stranger honestly broke me.

It took me months waiting for you to come clean and even up until now you still didn't. I thought that tonight I could end it but then you bring up things about wanting to get married and it actually drove me insane.

I'm sure that if I'm in this any longer ill completely lose myself and end up killing myself because of this relationship. So before things get worse. Please let me go Mew.

Let me live for myself. Let me experience things. Let me build what you've broken. Let me be free and happy finally. Because this love isn't what I need.

And without another word Gulf had disappeared from Mews sight. He couldn't even chase the other because Gulf was like the night breeze and like the waters in the lake bed, just flowing easily through his fingers with no way to hold it down. And just like the wind and water Gulf was not his to hold.

🌻💍

Mew jumped awake in his bed. He woke up with full tears streaming down his face.

The nightmare of their broken anniversary always came to haunt Mew. And it's even been a year after the breakup.

A year after and Mew has retracted. He's lost contact completely with his old self.

He's lost contact with the strong, wealthy and open man that Gulf had once built him to be. Now he was a shadow of what he had made Gulf when he cheated.

And from then Mew knew that he belonged to no one else but Gulf. If there's no Gulf there's no Mew.

He won't take his life because everyday he still has a little bit of hope that his angel and light will return.

Everyday he cries out to the wind and the waters that it gives him a chance to hold them. To hold Gulf.

🌻💍

Yes this sucks. I'm really not good with angst. I tried so hard honestly. When I wrote this I was overfilled with emotions and headache but when I reread it everything happened so quickly with not enough explanations, or good timing.

And like most time I feel as though there's empty spaces in here. But I tried my best.

*Anyways I only wrote this because someone broke my wanjaii heart with a misinformed Mewgulf post!