I'm fine...

~3~

-----(Sam's pov)-----

I woke up to the sound of feet shuffling downstairs, reaching across to my phone to check the time. 3:05. I quietly walked down the stairs towards the door, trying not to wake anyone else.

"Sophie?"

"Shit, Sam you scared me" She jumped back against the front door.

"It's 3 am, what are you doing?" I leaned against the wall, watching as she took off her shoes and pulled on her hoodie.

"Running" she tiptoed past me onto the stairs but I grabbed her wrist holding her back, I'm pretty sure she winced but she covered it up well. She must have seen my concerned face because she smiled back at me, "Sam, I'm fine, just don't mention this to anyone ok?"

I studied her face hoping that the smile was genuine, I nodded, "Go get some sleep".

I waited until I had made sure that she had walked into her room before making my way back to bed.

                                                                            *****

-----(Sophie's pov)-----

"Steve?" I whispered not wanting to move yet but there was no answer. I decided just to get up because I knew people would get suspicious if I missed breakfast.

"Morning sleepyhead" Tony smiled as I walked into the kitchen, he shouted through to Steve in the other room telling him I was up. I walked over to the sofas where the other avengers were sitting.

"Help yourself to whatever you want" Clint passed me a plate as he grabbed more waffles.

Great, I wasn't suppose to be eating a lot today. The sight of so much food made me feel sick but I couldn't stop myself reaching out and filling my plate. 

"Morning squidge" Steve sat down next to me on the sofa holding a plate of toast. He smiled as I hugged into his shoulder

I felt so guilty that I was eating all this but the longer I stayed facing the food the more I kept pilling into my mouth. My brain became fuzzy and I hadn't realised that my leg had begun to bounce against the table causing the food to wobble about, I also hadn't noticed that everyone had stopped their conversation to see what was going on.

"Soph, you ok?" I could feel Steve tapping my shoulder as I was became aware of my surroundings again, his face was filled with concern as he watched me .

"Yeah I'm all good, I'll be back in a sec", as soon as I was out the room I ran up the stairs passing through the corridor before I found Bucky's room. I collapsed down against the bathroom wall, letting out a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding in. I put my hand on the counter searching for the object I came to find. As soon as I found it I broke it, hiding the other parts behind the toilet seat so I could come back and get them later.

I placed the cold sharp metal against my skin drawing it across on top of the previous marks that covered my lower wrist and thigh. The voices in my head telling me to cut deeper, that I'm guilty and deserve more pain were getting louder making my head pound. My vision became blurry as it felt like the walls was spinning, and it became harder and harder to breathe as my heart beat faster against my chest. Pulling my clothes over to cover the mess, I put down the razor pushing it behind the toilet with the rest of the pieces. I pulled my knees to my chest, digging my nails into my thighs.

I heard someone come through the bedroom door, I was too tired to move and I knew they would find me anyway. A figure crouched down next to me, taking my hands away from my thighs and placing them in their own, squeezing them gently.

"Sophie...soph can you hear me?" Bucky's voice felt like it was miles away even though he was sitting right next to me. My vision was so blurry I couldn't make out his face but I just hoped he didn't see what was behind the toilet.

-----(Bucky's pov)-----

When Sophie walked out of the room I knew something was wrong, and I saw that others were thinking the same thing. As Steve began to stand up, I caught his eye and signaled that I would go instead, as I'm pretty sure I knew where she would be.

I walked into my room hoping to find her lying on my bed but instead I heard muffled sobs coming from the bathroom. I rushed through and my face dropped as I saw her curled up against the wall hugging her knees to her chest. I crouched down next to her, gently taking her hands in mine and squeezing them softly.

"Sophie...soph can you hear me?", she looked at me blankly but nodded her head. "Good, I need you to copy my breathing okay, breathe in..1....2...3, good ok and now out..."

"I..I can't..", she dropped her head on top of her knees, breaking our eye contact.

"Hey, come on look at me", I squeezed her hands and she lifted her eyes back to mine, still struggling to breathe evenly. I panicked and tried the only thing I could think of, I kissed her. Her lips let go of mine as she collapsed down against my chest, clinging onto my t-shirt.

(A/n)
Sorry this took so long to come out I kept getting serious writers block and literally had no idea why to write!!
I can't believe that people are reading this - so thank you for all your support!!!
My messages are always open on here or TikTok if you ever want to talk about anything, or if I've written about something wrong. Everything I write about is usually from my point of view of how I've experienced these situations so I apologise if it doesn't seem hugely relatable - please keep commenting and giving me suggestions though because it really helps!!