LONELY| Thomas Shelby

4.1

BETH HAD TAKEN HER, time arriving toward Charlie's yard. Her heart lay in her stomach as she walked through the streets of Small Heath, every corner and crack of Birmingham having a memory of Bethany Clover and John Shelby, dating back to the times where they were little ones with dirty faces and scraggly hair. Tommy lurked a few feet behind her, attempting to leave her be as he knew it was to no avail with the unpleasant frame of mind, Beth was conjuring. He'd followed her throughout the town, lurking behind her in fear that the bullets intended for her were yet to be shot, again.

Arriving at the gates, Beth sighed staring into the yard. She hasn't turned to stare at him but his lingering presence was enough to make her anger boil. "You don't have to be such a creep Tommy." She spat, turning to look at him. Tommy shrugged, tossing his cigarette to the ground. "Didn't want to upset anyone else, love." He muttered nearing closer to her. Beth sighed shaking her head as she stared at Tommy. "How could you do that?" She questioned. "I did what I had to do Beth." Tommy grumbled. "No Tommy, you can't just do stuff like that." She demanded, staring at him in disbelief.

"Do what Beth, eh? I lost my fucking brother too! I lost my brother and I lost you and I lost all my fucking family. I know I threw you in the fucking prison and I threw away the fucking keys but I had too. I fucking had too." Tommy roared. "I got you out and you didn't fucking come back to me! You went and lived with John and I don't blame you but you cant keep fucking doing this to me. I love you and you love me, eh? What fucking next you fuck off to Alfie again, eh? You can keep fucking leaving. Not when I need you and you need me."

A silence fell and Beth could feel the tears beginning to fall down her face. "I left you, Tommy because you cheated on me. I left you, Tommy because you locked me up for getting your son back. I love you more than fucking anything Tommy but you can not turn, me being a bitch because my best friend died into a pity party on why i fucking left you! I know he was your brother Tommy but he was also mine. I don't know if you realised yet love but my family are dead. I have you and John and Arthur and Ada and Polly and Finn. That's it. That's my family. I'm not perfect, neither are you."

Tommy sighed, rubbing his hands over his eyes. A silence fell and Beth the bridge of her nose as her tears began to rafe for the millionth time that day, her mind and body drained. "I'm sorry Beth." Tommy spoke up, wrapping her into a hug. She slouched into his arms, her cries becoming sobs of agony, his own tears beginning to fall. "I hate you. I hate how much I love you. I hate how much it hurts to love you." Beth murmured in defeat, her hands clutching to his jacket, the only thing keeping her standing. "I hate that I'm scared Tommy."

"I love you." His voice was low as he only held her tighter, practically holding her up in his arms. "I love you Beth. I won't let you leave my side. Nothings going to happen. I'm here now." Tommys words had fallen into a silence, the next twenty minutes spent cooped in each others arms before they finally faced the rest of the family. Together.

•

Beth had been stood with Tommy and Arthur, her hand held tightly in Tommy's as they were stood out the back of Charlie's yard. "I just took a look around. I like this place. Fire for melting silver, canal to get it away." Aberama spoke, him and a few men walking in. Tommy instinctively pulled Beth closer to him as he glared at the men. "How much?" Aberama questioned. "Nothing you seen here is for sale Mr. Gold." Tommy replied. "Oh everything's for sale, everything." Aberama grinned wildly, tossing his drink into the blazed fire.

"You tell Mr. Strong, I'm going to buy his yard." Aberama demanded. "This yard has been in his family since they settled." Tommy objectified. "Well I'm going to make it part of our deal and the girl, for my son." Beth automatically scoffed, glaring toward Aberama as she felt Tommy's hands shake with anger. Bonnie smiled, winking toward her and Beth glanced toward Tommy who was looking elsewhere, Arthur however had caught the look in his eyes, the flask in his hands beginning to dent with the grip he held against it as he glared. "Charlie, Charlie come here." Tommy called.

"I'm going to spin a yard for your yard Charlie and my Beth." Tommy spoke. "You're going to what?" Beth spat, glancing at Charlie who had echoed the words at the same time as her. "If it's heads, Abbie here takes all of this with my blessing." Tommy drawled, squeezing Beth's hand as he glanced down at her. "If it's tails. I fuck your daughter." Beth blinked, her hand roughly tugging away from Tommy's as she stared up at him in disbelief. "You have three daughters I believe. Esmerelda is the oldest and also the prettiest, so I'll have her. So make her part of the deal and spin against the yard."

"Tommy for fucks sake." Charlie cursed, staring over at Beth who seemed to be in the verge of snapping. "Here, you toss the coin Mr. Gold." Tommy spoke, tossing a coin toward Aberama who caught it. Aberama paused for a moment before beginning to smile. "No. Please don't think this a joke. The coin toss is sacred, yes, Beth?" Tommy pressed. "Sacred." She grumbled. "You toss that coin, you take a bet before witnesses, and if i will." Tommy began. "We will insist that the terms of this agreement wager are fulfilled." Arthur finished.

"Toss the coin Mr. Gold. Do it." Beth dared, glaring toward the man. "Tommy Shelby, OBE. No wager today. But with this penny I will buy a flower to put on your grave. When the time comes." Aberama glared, placing the coin into his pocket. "And until it comes. Please don't again direspect, my friends or their valued property. Especially not my fiancée." Tommy drawled pulling Beth in closer. "We missed Christmas, let's have it now. Peace on Earth good will to all men." Tommy cheered.

Walking over to the table, Beth caught Tommy's hand. "I'm not your fiancée. We're not even back together." She mumbled, shaking her head. "Not yet love. Not yet. I always get there though." Tommy grinned, pulling out of the chairs at the table for her to sit. "Don't get cocky Tommy." Her words were harsh but he couldn't help but grin as he sat into the seat beside her, tossing an arm around her shoulders. "Here Beth." Arthur called, handing her a freshly poured cup of whiskey.

"Toast to my brother John, raise your glasses all of you." Arthur instructed to the table, his own glass in the air in commemoration of John. Every man at the table including Beth to raise their glasses. "John Shelby." Arthur toasted, everyone cheering. Beth downed her drink, her eyes catching on Polly, Ada and Lizzy who walked into the yard looking around in disgust.

"They act like this wasn't our lives for so long." Beth grumbled, staring toward Tommy who nodded. "I'm going to talk to Pol. I'll be back." Tommy spoke, walking over to where Polly had sat. Nodding Beth hadn't gotten the chance to look around seeing as Arthur had pulled her toward where he and Finn sat. "Let's go out big! One last drunken night for John." Arthur yelled, squeezing Beth's waist in excitement. Beth nodded lacing on the best smile she could conjure and pouring herself a drink. She waited for Arthur to gaze off before pouring Finn some into a cup as he smiled shyly.

Raising the alcohol to her lips, Beth huffed, her voice on a whisper in the wandering winds.
"Rest in peace, John Shelby."