Passing Euphoria (Aizawa Shouta x Reader) (Commissioned Series)

Ch.8

"I don't see why not." Aizawa told her. "Midoriya is waiting for you in the cafeteria. He said that he wanted to read you a few books and eat apples."

You heard the sounds of someone jumping a few times excitedly.

"Really?! He has apples! And he's gonna read me a story!?"

"Yes. And if you're still curious why people sometimes need to cry, you can ask him." Aizawa spoke.

"Okay!" Eri's voice was eager. "Bye-bye, (Last Name)-sensei! I hope you'll feel well enough tomorrow so I can make you smile!"

Her tiny footsteps echoed away from you until they were completely gone. The next sound was someone walking back into the music room and shutting the door. Your heart skipped a beat. So you were not getting out of this, huh?

But now instead of a tiny child witnessing you breaking at your seams... it would be a co-worker.

"Well?" Aizawa spoke, his voice close, but not as close as it had been when Eri was still standing near you.

"W-what?" You muttered out, wiping away at your face.

You worked the nerve up to look at him, hoping you could blow this off as one of the usual excuses. You were overwhelmed. You overused your quirk. You got bad news. You were just having a bad day in general.

"Were you not listening?" Aizawa sighed, looking utterly exhausted and more so than usual. "I just explained to Eri that we all need to express our feelings sometimes. So, go ahead and cry."

"You don't need to tell me how to feel, Aizawa-san."

"I'm not. It's clearly written all over your face." Aizawa's voice sterned. "It's been saying 'I'm hurting' all day long."

Your lips quivered, and tears finally started to pour down your cheeks like rivers in the spring: constant and never-ending.

You took two steps and then suddenly fell to your knees. You positioned yourself against one of the legs of the piano and started to let the sounds of pain echo off you. Aizawa sighed, slowly moving forward and taking a seat on the ground next to you. He hovered close to you, but didn't touch you. He had a feeling you needed some space physically.

"Sorry... guess everything from the last few weeks has just really gotten to me." You lied through your teeth.

Everything got to you. You were always on the verge of tears. You were always close to falling apart.

But Aizawa didn't need to know that. You'd lead him on to believe you just needed a moment to cry and get it out of your system. So, you'd do so right now. Crying would not only help you a little bit, but would also hopefully end with Aizawa's attention on you passing.

It took a while, but eventually, it seemed you finally managed to calm down enough to be back to breathing without having to gasp desperately. Your form was still sitting against one of the piano legs, and Aizawa was still positioned next to you, still close, but not touching.

"I'm sorry-" You choked out. "- I'm sorry you had to see all that."

Aizawa exhaled and ran a hand through his disheveled locks. Your mind had automatically picked up on it and translated his actions to mean he was frustrated by this and having to have sat through it. Your lips buzzed and you prepared to apologize and make up an excuse to make him feel like you were not a broken mess.

But, Aizawa beat you to speaking.

"You don't have to pretend so much. Or belittle your own feelings in front of your colleagues." He spoke gently, his dark eyes meeting yours. "We all understand to some extent. This work is hard. This job is hard. But... to make matters even worse, we're sending kids out there and can only teach and tell them so much. You especially."

Your eyes watered again and you nodded to him.

That was indeed one of the things that had always bothered you about your job, or just the hero industry in general. As much as you were able to help students learn to cope and to deal with their emotions... you knew that it still wouldn't be enough to spare them from it all: destruction, rage, death, cruelty. It all came with the territory, yet, it was so easily pushed under the rug for the fame, glory, and pay that also came with the heroics.

It was fucked up. It had always been fucked up. It was only making you more fucked up.

"I can't stand it at times..." You breathed out, hands grabbing onto your locks of (hair color). "Seeing some of them go from so bright eyed and hopeful... to suddenly seeing the worst of our world! And then just sending them out into it after three years! H-how is that right? Why do we lie to these kids in the first place?!"

You chuckled dryly, tears coming out of your eyes again. This time though, it wasn't for being overwhelmed with a feeling of despair, but rather one of frustration.

"They know it to some extent." Aizawa spoke. "Maybe not to the point that we do, as professionals, but... they know why heroes exist at least. They know that the world isn't always so forgiving or kind."

"Doesn't make it right..."

"No. It doesn't." Aizawa sighed. "My students are always my top priority. I would gladly take on an attack by myself then let any of them even think about raising a fist."

It was silent after that. You didn't know how to respond. You knew of what Aizawa had been through this past year. You knew of the attack, after attack, after attack that seemed to constantly follow his current group of twenty. You didn't know how he did it.

"The only thing I can do and the only thing I need to do... is to prepare them." Aizawa spoke. "To help them get stronger. To form bonds. To know they aren't alone in any fight."

Aizawa shifted, and you could see from the corner of your eyes that he was staring at you. You didn't meet his gaze though, fearing that it only pulled you back down into it all.

"It's the same for all of us here teaching them." He spoke to you gently. "We're here to support you. No matter the fight. You're not alone, you know that right?"

You gulped down, and forced your head to nod up and down a few times. You turned your head to look at Aizawa and gave him a gentle smile. You had long gotten used to creating these smiles and having people believe them.

"Yeah... I know. It's just hard to talk sometimes." You pushed your lie through. "But, I'll try to reach out more."

Aizawa narrowed his eyes for a moment, you having missed it as you had turned your head back. Despite your words, he had a feeling that you didn't mean what you had just said. He couldn't explain it, but that expression you had made was setting off the same alarms as when one of his students said they were not going to get into a dangerous situation.

It was a lie and it meant he needed to pay extra attention.

"Good." Aizawa spoke, and stood up. "I'll make sure to stop by a few times a week to check on you then."

You blinked. "You don't have to do that, Aizawa-san."

He turned to look down at you and shook his head. "Well I am, so get used to having me pop at any time during the day to check on you."

You chuckled wearily. "Well... if you're sure. Then I guess I'll see you around a lot more."

Aizawa nodded his head and started to walk away. You watched as he went, and once the door to the music room was closed once again, you let your hand hit the ground a few good times.

Dammit! He was onto you. He knew that this wasn't just a tiny episode.

You had thought you were being so careful But... it seemed that Aizawa was more clever and observant than you realized. And now, he was going to be checking up on you. You hated the thought, hated the idea that someone was really seeing how fragile and broken you were.

Your greatest fear was starting to turn into a reality. All thanks to the fact that you were a pathetic mess.