One Night Stand (A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction)

The Talk

"I owe you an apology," I started. "For what happened before-."

She chuckled softly shaking her head, making me stop. "Stop apologizing, James. It's not your fault."

I gaped at her incredulously. How can it not be? How can she even stand to look at me after everything that I put her through?

"How could it not be-?"

"Even before they took your memory from you, you were always apologizing and I had to stop you. It's really not your fault. You didn't mean to turn my life upside down, you were just trying to live your life, and the whole Dimitri thing-," she stiffened as she mentioned that name, taking a deep shuddering breath. My fists clenched as I thought back to what Steve had told me Dimitri had done to her. "The Dimitri thing wasn't your fault. You aren't responsible for what he did. You would have stopped him if you could have. If anything its my fault because he used me to get to you, to make you let them take your memory and turn you back into...into that soldier ." she trailed off and looked at me with watery eyes.

"Oh, Doll." The pet name fell too easily from my lips. I reached for her face. It felt so normal to touch her, so right, and heat raced up my arm the moment our skin touched. Her eyes widened a bit at the contact, her lips parting and a small gasp that I might have missed were it not for my enhanced hearing escaped her. "None of this was your fault Jade. Don't you blame yourself for any of it. I was a fool to think that I could have any sense of a normal life with Hydra still on my tail."

"That's not fair, James." She reached up and placed her much smaller hand over mine, pressing it further against her cheek. She sighed at my touch, eyes fluttering close for a brief second before she continued. "You deserve a happy life. A semi normal life at the very least. After everything that you have been through. I don't blame you for any of this. It sounds crazy, but I'm still glad that I met you. And believe it or not we've had this exact conversation before," she laughed softly.

I shook my head at her, shocked and amazed at her kindness and selflessness. Any person in their right mind wouldn't have wanted to be within ten feet of me if they knew the very real danger that I could bring into someone's life. And here she was, having endured hell for me and still somehow liking me, wanting me, happy to have met me. I wished then that I could remember all the moments that had passed between us, every look, every touch, every smile, every kiss and more that we had shared. I wanted it all back and I was angry at Hydra for again taking something from me.

She was looking into my eyes so intently, almost with a desperation. I found myself leaning in, my lips tingling with the want to feel hers. My nose was almost touching hers when she turned her head downward, right before they met and her hand dropped from mine. I reluctantly withdrew my hand and leaned back, feeling an ache in my palm at the absence of the touch.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I want to. I do. But I think we should hold off...until you get some of your memories back...that way we know what you're feeling is real and not just because you think you should like me after everything."

It made sense. As much as I didnt want it to, it did. She was still worried about me. I nodded in agreement. "It's okay, Jade, you're right."

"So...what do we do from here?" She asked.

I didn't know. I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I wanted all of my memories back more than anything. I wanted to remember her and everything about her. "Can we...go out sometime? The more I'm with you, the more I should remember...I hope."

She smiled brightly. "Well, actually you do owe me a proper date."

"I do, huh?" I smiled.

"Yes, James Buchanan Barnes, you do," she said. "And luckily for you I happen to have some free time tomorrow."