Left In The Dark

Chapter 15

“I need you Shawn.” My voice cracked as I muttered to myself.

I ran my hand over my face and forced myself out of bed. I walked into my bathroom. Turned on the water and put the plug in the drain, letting the tub fill up. I undressed and sat in the tub. Reaching over, I grabbed some soap and my rag. I lathered up. Dipping my wash cloth into the water, and squeezing it over my shoulder, I sighed. I bathed myself for about 15 minutes. Lapping up the water and squeezing it over my exposed body parts.I lay back resting my head on the edge of the tub. I stared at the water. Made little ripples in it. There was a gnawing pain in my chest. It was moments like these where I’d get the urge again. I sunk down a little lower, letting the water cover my ears—blocking out reality for a moment. Everyday has been such a struggle without him. Sometimes feeling like it was not worth being here anymore. I lay back further. The water now covered my mouth. A tear escaped and fell into the bath. Taking in another breath, I completely submerged myself underneath the water. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling above. I held my breath hoping to stop the aching in my chest, if even for a little while. After some time my heart began to beat faster. Then I felt this suffocating feeling. It didn’t feel any different from how I felt above water. Slowly I pushed air out my nostrils creating little bubbles that surfaced to the top. I watched my last bubble surface. The water vibrated and I could faintly hear some commotion from the outside. I shot up into a sitting position. I gasped and ran my hands over my face and through my hair. The banging was louder. Kelly yelled through the door.

“Heffa you done yet? Don’t be tryna spend forever in there to avoid this phone call now!”

When my heart finally steadied, I climbed out, wrapping a towel around myself.

“Y-, yeah I’m coming.” I called out.

I looked into the mirror at myself before shaking my head and exiting the bathroom. I was immediately met with the house phone shoved in my face.

“Here ya go.” She replied in short.

“Can I at least get dressed first?” I asked, bypassing the phone and heading to my dresser.

She took my back hand and placed the phone in it. I sighed and pulled out some underwear. I quickly slipped it on before looking at the phone. Scrolling through the cal log I searched for an unsaved number. Finally finding it I looked over to Kelly whose brows were raised. She motioned for me to go ahead, fanning her hands.

I stared at it. Finger hovered over the call button. I drew in my bottom lip. Kelly nudged me lightly causing me to hit talk unintentionally. I glared at her and she only shrugged nonchalantly. She took my hand that held the phone and pressed it against my ear. It rang. My other hand shook. She took it into hers and smiled at me, mouthing an ‘it’s okay’. I returned a weak smile back. He picked up on the 3rd ring.

“Hello?”

A lump was caught in my throat. Kelly squeezed my hand which in turn squeezed out my response.

“Hi.” I blurted out.

Mentally I chided myself for sounding so stupid. I could already tell this will be unbearable. I cleared my throat before trying again.

“I, I mean hello.”

“Beyoncé?” He guessed.

“Uh, yeah how are you?” I asked as politely as I could.

“Um…I’m great, I guess.” He sounded completely stunned and baffled. “Just a little confused, you know, about you calling me.”

“Oh.” All I could come up with in response.