i'm not as motivated to write as i was earlier but that's how it always is with me so here we go
nobody's gonna read this and that's fine by me but i feel like i'll actually want to journal if i'm able to put it out there
and hopefully journaling will help me be happy again
it's currently 10:33 pm and i'm on vacation in california. today was very fun hh thomas kept complaining and i got sunburned as shit but i guess it was okay
it sucks to see my mom slowly get kicked down more and more as thomas finds something to criticize in everything she does
thomas is always like that, he's almost 20 but he still acts like he's a little child. and when i say he acts like a child i don't mean he's a high spirit and is always a kid, i mean he's inconsiderate and emotionally immature. i know everyone copes differently and has different emotional levels but he always shoved it into someone else's hands and makes it their fault. he's very full of himself and he constantly finds some way to complain about anything. i've learned to not talk about myself to him because i know he'll break down all the shit he doesn't "approve" of.
i'm sharing a room with my mom and stepdad and it feels so amazing to lay down in this bed. today i had over 20000 steps!! i'm also listening to deep sleep music and my mom is happy so i'm feeling alright. music deeply effects my mood and thoughts. i hate having to think about sad things and i usually can easily make light of something bad. today my stepdad was sad we didn't have a fridge at the hotel to store food and i said we can give it to the homeless. usually my family doesn't take me seriously when i say things like that and they think i'm just a weirdo. i act like i don't care at all but i do.
i'm gonna start meditating often so i can develop a calmer mindset
