your song ➳ one shots

o n e ✿ remembering sunday - all time low

Time passed quickly in my English class. If only I was fluent in the language, I wouldn't have been taking this, but having French as your mother tongue, everything is just hard. I kept tapping my pencil on the table (in a silent way, that is, as I didn't want my instructor to yell at me for being a spoiled brat as she frequently says). The moment the bell rang, I rushed out the door, which was weird, as I usually stayed behind. I don't know, there was just a surge of excitement for me although my next class was the class I hated next to English - Math.

The moment I reached my room, I took a seat. A different seat. I usually sat in the front row, not because I was so interested with the tangled web of numbers and stuff but those were the usual seats not taken. But this time I sat somewhere in the middle. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me with all my weird actions.

People started to fill in the room. I felt them eyeing me, as I was in at an unexpectedly early hour. It was awkward but since I usually came 5 minutes before class started, I kept my gaze downwards and tried to ignore everyone boring holes in my skull.

I'm sorry for repeating but I just have to emphasize that I do not know why I was acting that way today. And I have a feeling I'll go off wondering about this the whole day.

Wrong. Because I got the answer when someone finally took the seat beside me. And was it a surprise to find you the moment I looked up?

And the moment I did, you sported back that usual grin of yours.

I couldn't prevent myself from smiling for the rest of the day. I think I found my answer. But I still had one more problem.

I felt something different in me the moment you smiled. My stomach felt funny, but I didn't feel like I wanna puke and I know I wasn't sick.

Was this what they called butterflies or insects or whatever-critters-they-are in my stomach?

I do not know and I do not intend to know right now. I'm scared to know.

P.S Thank you for helping me get through one of the problems we had during Math class. You're exceptionally good in Math.

[February 4, 1999]

Dear Mr. Lanky Guy,

I felt ecstatic to go to school today. But I was also nervous. We always had the eye contact but we never really had conversations. Do I start the conversation? Do I say hello? Wouldn't it look bad if I make the first move to spark up a conversation? How do I say hello? Will you even talk to me if I say hi or hello or hey? Will our conversation go a long way? I don't know. I was so afraid. I had way too many doubts.

I'm sorry if I sounded so jumpy with all the questions I had in my head. I never really had friends. I never actually mingled with people unless it was some business party or something similar to that that was hosted by my mom and dad. But I do not make my relationships with them last. I don't want to pretend because I don't want to be bound to a fake character I built just to please them.

I was so doubtful and I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize that at the end of our Math class you grabbed my stuff on one hand, and took hold of my wrists on the other hand. I was hoping you couldn't feel how fast the beating of my heart was through my pulse nor sense the butterflies that have awakened in my stomach while you were dragging me outside, to the school garden, or should I say the school secret garden.

You let go of the grip on my wrist, but the weird feeling was still there - the butterflies were still going wild, and my heart was beating fast. I was one girl no one seemed to know and notice, and I'm wondering how a guy like you could have this effect on me. And why are you giving me this much attention.