2021 Journal

Day 1

Wednesday, 23rd June 2021

I was at school today, feeling a little down tbh. I had another cry last night since i was feeling extra dysphoric and angry about the gender based PE rules at my school. Boys can do rugby and cricket, girls can't for some idiotic reason, last time i checked, it was 2021, not 1950. Oh well. Not much happened, just had some boring classes, and the one class i was looking forward to; music- my teacher turned out to be absent so we had to do words searches, what a shame, i was hoping to play the bass today :(

Onto the other topic, i'm slowly trying to get around to actually asking my mum for a haircut and a binder. I've asked for a binder previously but i wasn't allowed, i was pretty heartbroken since i had that little bit of hope that my mum would accept my request. I even backed myself up with research, how to measure for one and how long to wear it, the best brands etc, she still said no. I did ask for a haircut a couple days back and she said that i was boring her with all this stuff. Pretty sad. Im not usually one to cry but for the past month I've been crying for most nights. I just wish i were happier, looking at myself in the mirror and feeling sad about it sucks. I have large hips, large backside (and since i'm underweight and skinny it looks really disproportionate and i hate it) , im pretty flat chested but my chest is still visible, and my hair, I have long blonde wavy hair and it sucks. Basically, i have the most feminine figure someone could get, the typical stereotypical hourglass woman's figure and i absolutely despise it, despite my mum telling me i have a "beautiful" body shape. I just want to be flat chested for now, that's my main goal. Getting a binder would make me feel so much happier, any tips for asking for one would be very helpful.

thanks for reading and cya tomorrow :)
Shard