Kitto ,
I want to push amber awayy i want her to hate me I want her to leave a shit of a best friend like me and move on and have a better best friend but somehow I still can't I tried everything I could to make Amber away to make her hate me bit then I never want our friendship to end I dont wanna loose her . Its funny how these feelings can toy with your emotions . You're becoming someone you are not and you're freaking happy anout it . You tend to do stupid an crazy things . You change because sometimes along the way you're conscious of what others will think .
There are so many mistakes to be made in life and I made most of them .
Every ounce of respect I held for my best friend seems to disappear in the confusion of my mind . Amber is not just my best friend but my sister and I cherish her more than my own life but I just always fail to show it . I sometimes play so many immature gestures with her .
I thought I was fine before I made the beautiful mistake of leeting her in my life . She was a beautiful girl with an innocent smile and odd colour chocolate brom eyes tjat weren't suppose to holdany meanings behind them . I wasn't suppose to revolve my world and make her my sister and include her among the top people of my life . But I made her life hell by letting her enter my world and somehow I don't regret it , I know I am selfish .
She's such a sweet best friend that I am twerrified of loosing her for lossing her means lossing myself . I couldn't stand to loose her after going my ebtire life witjout something to loose .
I care for her even of I don't show it , icare but I am not good at showing them and I font wanna show it . I hurt her to hate me but yet I dont want her to hate me . Its like I am divisided from witjin a part of me want her to hate me while a part of me want her to be my best friend forever .
Sometimes I think what would she do if I find out what do I do. Will dhe care if I die ?? But I want myself to die to give her some space . I don't want her sympathy I don't want her to pity me I just need someone to talk to someone witj whom I can share anything someone to say its going to be fine and that I will win the battle with myself .
