Find Out For Yourself. [POETRY]

senseless comfort_

part i.

a shyness which feels sweet to settle into, a shyness that doesn't matter. I could be bold. I could melt.

I feel better than I ever will again. a few days indoors, a clumsy heat in the air, stretching out on sheets with a headache thrumming familiarly behind my temples, only a half-hearted sort of pain.

the taste of my own bitterness lingers in my throat, but I swallow. my mouth is glossed with something thicker than water. I feel it crystallise.

part ii.

I don't dream anymore. I'm more inclined to float, dazed, in a haze. easily mollified. the shape of me has been wrought, crafted by forces who don't care about me by any measure. but I've moved with love, unguided, accompanying the sleepier side of my spirit.

a body with no tension, sinking into something unnameable. I guess I'm going to die. silk like seafoam, a rush gradually blinding. some thick kind of honeycomb, blown glass moulded to liquid and dripping with a clumsy lack of deliberateness, no need for effort. nothing left to say. I won't hold on, I won't cry, I only feel my breath leave me slowly. I am warm and guiltless and unattached.

pt iii.

the sky gives a gasping sigh, and clarity streams through the room like light, basking and gently intentioned. I let myself listen to songs that used to make my stomach ache. I let myself be aware of my own body, just for a second.

blinking slowly in the fleecy gloaming, chords thrumming deep in my chest. I could be bold, and I could melt. and I'm shy, all over again.