The Badass Nerd

Little Things and Red Flags

By now, everyone was perfectly silent and listening intently to him sing. Most of them were making videos and I was sure Emma and Mark are going to be The Couple for a few months at least. Mark started coming down from the stage, still playing the guitar. As he reached Emma, he bent on his knees and Carter, Noah, Joe and Chris started singing the remaining song in perfect harmony. 

"Emma Miller, will you go on a date with me?" He asked and Emma looked at him with adoration and love.
"Mark Reed, I will go on a date with you." She said and he got up and hugged her. All four guys started singing in a loud volume and everyone else cheered. They went to dance floor and Carter went up to DJ and asked him to play some song. It started playing I like me better by Lauv. They made their way to the dance floor and started dancing to the tunes of the song. Carter jogged up beside me and I smirked at him.
"Nicely done." I said and he blushed.
"Yeah, we were planning this for a month now. Mark said it would take him time to manage school, learn guitar and be discreet about it so we had to do some really elaborate planning." He said and I chuckled.
"Worth it I guess." I said and motioned him to look at Emma and Mark. They were looking so beautiful together. Mark really did work on this because I taught him how to cook and ride a bike and he is a hardcore quitter. He hates trying out new stuff that needs practice. If he is not good at something in the first try, he just dumps it and start a new one. God knows how much I had to persuade him so he would learn riding a bike. He fell off multiple times and each time he had this big tantrum like a baby. I am pretty sure he wasn't good with guitar either so the motivation must have been quite compelling. I love how much Mark loves Emma and I could see that she is happy with him too. She likes him for who he is and she makes him more perspective to the world. I guess they really are a dream couple. 

"Would you like to join them?" Carter asked me pointing towards them and I smiled and put my hand in his. He escorted me towards Mark and Emma and we started dancing slowly. I motioned my girls to join and they all came pretty quickly. Carter held my left hand in his right and placed his left on my waist. I held him by his shoulder and we danced slowly to the song. I don't even what it was but it was a slow one so it felt perfect. I let him guide me and I was impressed at how good he was. I didn't step on his feet once. Just as the song ended, the atmosphere went back to party on but Carter didn't let go of my wrist.

"Come with me." He said and dragged me away. I have no clue what got into him but I followed him anyway. He took us out of the house and upstairs. There was no one there which was surprising considering it was beautiful. They had a proper garden in there; hanging plants, wall plants and many flowers that I have never seen before. I smiled and looked around to see Carter down on his knees. Red flags started doing off in my head and I started panicking. If I think what he is doing, we are done. I already told him I don't want to date right now but I will be rejecting him twice if I said now and I can't keep relying that he will understand whatever I say. He looked at me with so many emotions, it was impossible for me to figure it out. He cleared his throat and I almost felt like I am going to die. 

"Claire, I know you said that you didn't want to date but I can't help the way I feel about you. I feel happy and alive when I am with you. And I curse myself for not being able to confess how I feel about you. I don't want to waste time Liv. I want to stay with you for as long as I can. I am absolutely afraid of what you are going to say but I like you. I like you, a lot. And I have gathered up enough courage to ask you if you would like to go on a date with me?" 

Shit! Shit! Shit! I should have stopped him as soon as he started but I am so stupid. I should have been with him. I should be his girlfriend but I am not sure if I want to. I am not sure if I am ready and I will curse myself for hurting him later. I can't do this.

"I can't do this." I said and ran downstairs. I was a huge coward but I couldn't see the look on his face. I hate seeing him sad and I hate myself for doing this to him. I booked a cab and luckily it was just a minute away. I gave the driver my address and sent a quick text to Emma congratulating her and letting her know that I left. 

I went in my room and just stood there looking at no where in general. I didn't know what to do now. I fucked up my chances with Carter and I have no idea what I am going to do next. I know that Carter will never forgive me for what I did. I wouldn't have forgiven myself. I was so scared to look in his eyes, I just ran. I didn't even give him any explanation. What he must have been thinking about me is a path I don't want to take. My overthinking mind will go the ends of the worst case scenario and that will break me down. The feeling I had was different from when I broke up with Taylor. I felt light and relieved but right now it just feels like I made the worst possible choice of my life and I have to live with it now. 

I just jumped on the bed and hugged a pillow to sleep. 

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