A Feeling Of Normality [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Part 29. Everyday Life.

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She lies wide awake and just watches Bucky sleep, not daring to even touch him because that could wake him up. He looks so peaceful when he can sleep without having nightmares. His features are relaxed then, his breathing is calm and [Y/N] would love to know what he is dreaming about. Instead, she thinks about her new idea once more, wondering if she can convince Wanda to help her. [Y/N] feels guilty for not talking to Bucky about her idea because she probably should tell him and in fact, he'll probably get angry at her for keeping it a secret. But [Y/N] has no idea if it'll work and she doesn't want to worry Bucky. But even more especially,  she doesn't want him to talk her out of it. If Wanda agrees to help her, she wants to take her chance.

"You know, I can feel you staring at me" Bucky suddenly mumbles, not opening his eyes, slighltly frightening [Y/N].

"I thought you were sleeping" she says softly.

"I was until your gaze was burning into my soul" he jokes and [Y/N] chuckles slightly.

"How'd you notice that?" asks [Y/N].

"I haven't been able to sleep peacefully for decades. Now, what's wrong, doll?" Bucky asks without opening his eyes.

"There hasn't always to be a reason for me to watch you sleep, you know?"

"Mhmm.." he mumbles. "Not creepy at all. Also, I think you're lying right now." He moves his arm until his hand touches her skin and he pulls her closer. He doesn't even need to open his eyes to find her lips and place a soft kiss on them.

"Go back to sleep, James. You can't  even manage to open your eyes. No need to worry about me" [Y/N] says softly, a warm smile on her lips that her counterpart can't see.

"There are a lot of things I can do with my eyes closed" Bucky answers and buries his head into her neck, placing a kiss there.

"What kind of things?" [Y/N] asks as she closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling of Bucky's lips on her skin and feels his breath tickling as he chuckles.

"You don't wanna know, doll" he says and [Y/N] can feel the smirk on his lips on her skin, making his voice sound rough. He places another kiss there and begins to caress her arm with the hand he's holding her with. He can feel [Y/N] hold her breath briefly and her pulse quickening as his lips move bit by bit further down her neck to cover as many places as possible with kisses that become longer each with.

"Your mouth says one thing but does the other" [Y/N] presses out, her eyes still closed while her hand is buried in the sheet to not let out any sound of pleasure.

"I don't know what you're talking about" grins Bucky and bites her neck lovingly, making [Y/N] squeak in surprise.

"You better behave or finish what you start, James!" she admonishes him.

Finally Bucky opens his eyes and lifts his head to look at [Y/N], his gaze veiled with pleasure while a mischievous grin lies on his lips that is only slowly replaced by a more serious expression. "Be careful what you're saying, [Y/N]" he warns her sternly.

 [Y/N] returns his expression, not moving away from him. "I'm fully aware of what I'm saying, Buck."

Bucky sighs and lets himself drop back down next to her. His hand moves to her face which he begins to caress softly. "If this is going to happen between us one day, then not like this."

"Why?" breathes [Y/N] out, trying to understand his rejection.

"Because I want it to be special" Bucky admits, being surprised about his own words and wondering if that's still the same James Buchanan Barnes talking. But as he looks deep into her [y/ec] eyes, he knows that it's the truth. He wants it to be special for her and to show her how much she means to him. He doesn't want [Y/N] to be just another one and doesn't dare to make a wrong move to make her feel like that.

"That only confirms my statement that you are a softie" [Y/N] grins at him cheekily and then places a kiss on his lips. Her smile is warm and admiring.

"Don't you dare to tell the others" he complains but pulls her closer to him to bury his face in her neck again, making her chuckle again. He wraps his arm and leg around her and [Y/N] groans under the sudden weight, causing him to chuckle in return before they both drift off to sleep shortly after.

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[Y/N]'s gaze rests on the travel bag, which is well hidden in the corner between the wardrobe and the wall in Wanda's room and yet it reveals her plans. "When do you want to start?" [Y/N] asks after a few minutes of silence, without taking her eyes off Wanda's bag.

"Start where off to?" Wanda carefully tries to talk her way out of it. But [Y/N] lifts her eyes and smiles understandingly and lovingly at her friend.

"The bag is fully packed as if you would like to leave soon. I assume that you and Vision are leaving us again."

Wanda sighs, guilt and insecurity but also a certain longing can be seen in her gaze. "We wanted to leave a few days ago but then Steve showed us your file. We didn't want to leave you. I promise you that we'll be careful!" she blurts out, trying not to sound selfish and more especially, not wanting [Y/N] to be mad at her.

But the latter understands her friend too well. She grabs Wanda's hands and squeezes them softly. "Just be careful. Both of you."

"Thank you" Wanda says nodding and pulls [Y/N] into a hug. "I have to admit, I don't particularly like your request."

"Understandably" admits [Y/N]. After all, Wanda is still a few years younger than [Y/N] and her request is no easy task. "I don't want to burden you unnecessarily either."

Wanda quickly shakes her head. She doesn't like to use her telepathic powers but the concern is not about herself. She would somehow endure what she finds in [Y/N]'s memories. The question, however, is whether [Y/N] would too. "We don't know if your memories are only blocked by something or if they are really already forgotten. If they're just blocked and I can solve it... Then you will remember everything."

This admonition makes [Y/N] swallow hard, since it is of course not a nice thought, but in her eyes the determination with which she had already come to Wanda a few minutes ago is reflected. Wanda is able to access and manipulate memories and thoughts and there's a chance that she can access [Y/N]'s memories too and help her remember. "I'm trying to understand what's happening to me, Wanda. I know that I can't force everything at once. But I need these memories to understand. How should I move on if I don't know how to deal with this half-knowledge? I need to understand what happened. I need to understand why I can't remember except for my memories to erase themselves. There needs to be more."

Wanda sighs, knowing that [Y/N] will not accept any contradiction and somehow she can understand her friend. She even admires her for her strength. As soon as Steve showed them [Y/N]'s file, Wanda had felt a shiver running down her spine. Forgetting those memories seemed more of a blessing to Wanda but [Y/N] is determined to get those memories back. "Why is it so important to you to remember?" Wanda asks carefully and speaks her thoughts out loud. "Isn't it the memories that plague Barnes so much?"

"Knowing what you've done without remembering is even worse" [Y/N] says determined. "I've killed innocent people... I buried them alive because my best friend died there and I remember hardly any of them. I don't care how many memories there are left in my mind but I really want them back."

Wanda now gives way and nods resolutely to [Y/N]. "Okay, I'll help you."