Budapest » [Clintasha]

Chapter Fourteen: James

“See, it’s odd... You’re Lukin’s golden goose, right? Respectful, dutiful, malleable... Why would you want to upset him by sneaking off? Why aren’t you there reading a eulogy and handing him tissues?” I dared meet her half way, coming face to face with Janus herself.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to, Natalia... Curiosity killed the cat...” She twisted her foot, almost as if she was going to walk away; but then froze. “Honestly, I’m surprised you have to guts to come after me, especially after Karpov beat you senseless for disobedience, and Lukin-“ A titter arose in her throat. “Seems to be keeping an eye on you...” There was a green eyed jealousy about her. “And his lips on you...” The last part was spoke with the sting of a hornet, her nostrils flaring like a nervous tick.

I felt a new weight saddled in my intestines and a constriction around my heart. “You watched...” My palms got a little sticky and the traumatic memory replayed in my mind.

“What of it?” She cast her eyes away, almost exhibiting shame, something I’d never seen in her before. “He didn’t exactly try to keep it a secret, Tsarina...” That nickname, she spewed it with such haste, such relish in her tone. She was winding me up to watch me go like a clockwork toy. I felt my temper wind higher.

“Don’t you call me that-“

“Or what?” And she came closer; I was half convinced she was going to gnash her teeth at me like a shark. Or dig her claws into me, whichever came first. “What are you going to do? Kill me?” Her smirk made my gut coil and a vile bile rose in my throat. “Because I don’t think you have it in you, Natalia...” She inched closer, our toes centimetres apart. “I’ve seen you...” Another step, our noses centimetres from touching. “I’ve watched you...” She didn’t break eye contact, but lowered her voice. “Snivelling, shaking, disobeying. They have to beat the violence into you. You’re so weak...”

Her words branded my skin, made my blood boil, my fists clinch. “But it’s funny how Lukin would still rather kiss me than you, regardless...” I saw a murderous flash in her blue eyes. “It’s almost as if he prefers me...” I anecdoted aloofly. “Like I’m his favourite...” I shrugged it off and trudged back. “Strange...”

“Not for much longer...” She hissed under her breath. “Just remember, you don’t want to get caught by Lukin – he wouldn’t be very happy... It would be unprecedented if he got wind of being out here...” She sashayed in the opposite direction, boots still clasped in her hands.

“I think he’d be rather curious about how you got that information...” I left her to fester in her rage like a raw wound.

I was meandering back to the quarters, evading any passing patrols by squeezing into cubbyholes and blending with other drones wandering about. I didn’t look left or right, up or down. I felt my insides seize and my heart pause as I strolled past each cluster of KGB officials. No one gave me a looking.  I manipulated my insignificance, but I could never help feeling belittled by it.

But then I saw the spectre, the pale face, the hallowed soulless eyes. Blank, he was like a sheet of paper ready to be written – apart from the crinkle between his brows. It seemed to me that he was wandering aimlessly; with the disapproval of everyone who he knocked shoulders with.

I took my strides fast and guided him back towards his quarters with a hand on his chest; his legs trudged as I was his rudder.

“You can’t just wander... You know that...” I gritted to him, his feet scuffing on the floor.