Entry No. 8: Sisyphus

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If I were to paint our current energies in a canvas, it would be a splatter of different colors of the rainbow and from the center down to the bottom, there would be traces of black splatters intensifying as we went further down the canvas

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If I were to paint our current energies in a canvas, it would be a splatter of different colors of the rainbow and from the center down to the bottom, there would be traces of black splatters intensifying as we went further down the canvas. Two-thirds of a black handprint at the bottom center of the canvas would serve as the final touch, as if creeping in the painting and trying to capture the different colors of the rainbow and turning them into black inks.

I started to get a sense of what was happening. On one hand, most of us were affected by the financial distress of the company. It had already been months that we had not been paid. It was not only us, Cherry members, but all staff as well. Fortunately, the majority had the strong heart to continue and pursue not only their dreams but their vision for the group as well so we stayed. But not all were here for passion. Some like Jas were here for practical reasons and so, they chose to leave. With Jas' leaving, Icarus' story came to mind. Was Jas flying too high to reach the sun? And were we, the ones who chose to stay, flying too low that our wings were starting to dip the waters?

On the other hand, the minority were battling not only the financial stress but the inner demons brought by outside forces. These evil forces were so strong that some of the girls could not conceal it anymore. There was one time when Lily was performing on stage and she forgot to wear her smile. Upon noticing herself, she immediately put on a fake smile. This moment was captured by the digital eyes of the camera and was immortalized on social media. Some fans started to upload videos and photos of some of us looking sad, tired or faking a smile. Shields were worried about us, and their love and support started pouring onto us via social media. It was during these moments that we felt that our decision to stay and continue fighting for our dreams was right. Their positivity gave us the light we needed during these dark times and they reminded us that we were not alone on this journey.

Zoie as the torch-bearer of our fourth single had done a good job. She did a good job but I knew that it was not her best yet. She was not the type who cared for status or popularity but she had the X-factor that's why she gained a lot of fans. She was the carefree type, doing her own thing and her charm just naturally comes out. However, for some reason, she matured in a way like how a fresh college grad transitioned to adulting, going out of college with idealism and enthusiasm then suddenly the high spirit and energy plummeted when the real world bursted her bubbles. She even began her rebellious stage by coloring her hair pink, a violation in our contract. The Management just summoned her to the office, as part of the protocol, but they were not able to tame her because a little after the pink hair era, she changed it to blue.

The pursuit of success was an uphill climb with boulders, rocks and stones along the way. Those rocks were either roadblocks or stepping stones, and only the traveler could determine how it could serve her. All of us would go through the smooth and bumpy roads of life but it was those who did not give up who reached the top. Miel was like a hiker who was climbing the mountain at full speed and effort at first, only to find herself exhausted even before midway. For a time, she became so weary of trying to climb the mountain and had lost sight of the peak because her exhaustion clouded her vision. She decided to pause and take a rest. In her rest, her body recuperated, her mind became clear and her soul was replenished. She was seeing the mountain peak again, and this time, she was driven and conditioned to reach it. And so she did. She started taking her diet and exercise seriously, trained a lot even after her sched and even altered her image which deviated from our usual "kawaii" style. When she embraced herself and her flaws, she stood out because of her uniqueness. The round head did not try to fit in the square hole anymore, instead she rolled around the box, directing it forward to innovation and change. Miel was a dark horse who had lay low after her dejection from the second single, and in the fifth single, she emerged on top.

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