I'll always be there

In The Morning

     When I wake up in the morning (faerie morning, not mortal morning), Cardan is still asleep. I think about getting up, to start the day, but I decide against it. instead I lay in the bed with him, watching him sleep, he looks so peaceful when he sleeps (when he sleeps well). I'm thinking about what happened last night, and realize I've never seen Cardan cry. I wonder if he will be embarrassed about last night, I hope he isn't. He's comforted me so many times when I've slept badly, and I find I am glad to do the same for him, to help him through the night. As badly as it was, I'm glad last night happened the way it did, because I got to let him know how much I care about him. He tells me how much he loves me everyday, and I know he means it, I do the same and I mean it as well, but somehow since last night happened, it will feel more real; more truthful when I tell him how much I love him.

     When Cardan wakes up and notices that I'm up he looks embarrassed for a brief second and then that embarrassment turns to shame. And my heart shatters. He turns his head away. I grab his chin, to make him look at me, because I do want to talk about what happened. He averts his eyes. I make him look at me. "Hey," I say as gently as I can, "It's ok, don't be embarrassed, or ashamed, you've helped me make it through the night countless amounts of time. Tell me what happened, please." He hesitates a moment before speaking. "You were gone. Trapped in the ocean. When I woke up you weren't there, I thought you were gone beneath the waves, again. I did what I did when you were really gone, sobbed, drank, threw the bottle, and sobbed some more." I notice he has tears in his eyes, I try to comfort him. I bring him close and hug him, and tell him he doesn't have to talk. "I heard you walk him, but I thought it was my imagination. then when you were by my side, I knew it was you, and I tried to get myself together, but failed...miserably." I give a small laugh at that. Me and Cardan have been trying to be more open to each other, I try not to lie as much, and he tries to be more open about how he's feeling, so I can tell this is hard for him. "When you laid down last night, I knew I would be ok. Thank you.". "It broke my heart seeing you like that," I tell him. Now it's his turn to comfort me, and I am so grateful for it, for him, for everything. "I love you." "I love you too, my sweet nemesis. Thank you."