I'll always be there

I'll Always Be Here

It's been 7 months since Cardan was turned into a snake. I-- High Queen of Elfhame Jude Duarte-- am heading back to my room that I share with Cardan, my husband, the High King of Elfhame, to go to bed. He's should be asleep by now, but I  had a late meeting to go to,  and that's why I'm not already in the bed. 

     Once I get to our room, I hesitate. I'm not sure why I hesitate, until I hear it, the muffled sounds of quiet sobbing. I am now running into the room to see whats happening, and what I see breaks my heart--Cardan, on the ground, sobbing, with his tail wrapped around him, and wine all over him--. I run up to his side, getting there as fast as I can, he doesn't notice I'm there until I'm right beside him, asking, "whats wrong?". He takes a while to answer, but when he does, he chokes out between quiet sobs, "nightmare.". 

     I'm holding him now, rubbing his back, whispering quiet words of reassurance, "it'll be okay, it was just a nightmare." Trying to comfort and calm him down. After a while I notice his hand is bleeding, he must've just noticed it too, because when he moves it he winces. I pull out the shards of glass in there--he must've been drinking, and threw the bottle--as gently as I can. He winces every time I touch his skin, and even more when I pull out the glass. When I finish, I wrap it. 

He's stopped crying now, but his face is still puffy, and there's still wine all over him. "lets get you cleaned up," I  say, and help him rinse off in the shower. After, I help him get dressed, and tuck him in the bed. When he's settled, I take off my dress and put on one of his huge t-shirts, and climb into bed with him. 

     "Want to talk about it?" I asks after a while of silence. He shakes his head. There's been so much silence I think he's fallen asleep, that's when he says, "Jude?" "Yea?" I ask. "I'm terrified," those few words, 'I'm terrified'  makes my heart hurt, and I want to cry. I don't know what to say to that, I'm afraid that if I do speak right now, I will start crying, and I can't do that, I need to be strong for him. Eventually I do reply. I say the first thing that come's to my mind, "I know," and I immediately want to take it back. Instead, I say, "but it'll be ok, I'll always be here." I don't know what made me say it, that last part 'I'll always be here', but for some reason, I figured his nightmare had something to do with me. And I wanted him to know, that I'll always be there for him.

     I don't realize he's started crying again until I feel a warm tear on my arm. I've been more focused on stroking his hair and holding him and trying to figure out what to say to notice he started crying again. I grab his beautiful face, making him look at me-- his expression breaks my heart all over again,  he looks ashamed of himself--, and I start wiping away his tears with my thumb. When I look at him, I can't tell if those tears are tears of fear, or tears of shame. I think the latter. I've started whispering reassurance again, telling him "It'll be ok,", and "i'll always be here," that seems to help a little bit. Eventually he lays back down, and I'm holding him and stroking his hair. I keep whispering until he's fallen back to sleep.