~Soukoku ~ Headcanons turned into Stories~ (Two Stray Dogs)

To Leave, or Not to Leave

Don't throw up. Don't throw up.

I could just go back. I could just stay with the Port Mafia.

His body is shaking with the desire to run back to their apartment and his mind is spinning with conflict.

I can't stay with Mori. I can't leave Chuuya. I can't stay with Mori.

Falling to his knees he fumbles with the bomb, his usually dexterous fingers shaking uncontrollably.

"Damn it!" he punches the pavement causing streaks of red to tarnish his bandages but he doesn't feel it.  All he can feel is his heart breaking, as it had been doing slowly for months now. It was aching and hollow and--

"Damn it damn it damn it!"

"What are you doing!?"

........

Dazai falls backward at the voice, his heart jackhammering painfully against his ribs.

Shit.

Chuuya is staring down at him with wild blue eyes. His hair is tousled with sleep and he's still wearing his pajamas.

"I--" Dazai starts to come up with a lie, but a horrible-sounding sob escapes his throat instead.

"Dazai...you're crying? Why are you crying?"

Chuuya kneels down now. "And why are you barefoot?"

His blue eyes scan Dazai frantically, then land on the thing in his hands.

"Is that a bomb? Are you bombing my car!?"

Chuuya yanks the bomb out of Dazai's hands. 

Dazai's immediate reaction is to stop crying, but he can't and he can't hide his face because Chuuya's eyes are fixing him in place.

His second reaction is to lie. Dazai scrambles within his mind, desperately searching for an excuse, a lie any lie, because he has to leave, he has to...

It's dark, but Dazai can see Chuuya's brows furrow tighter and tighter the longer he looks from Dazai to the bomb and then back to Dazai.

Dazai is still sobbing, and he can't for the life of him come up with a single good lie.  All he can do is gasp for air when the sobbing and the shaking momentarily cease.

After several excruciating minutes of trying to get his sobbing under control while Chuuya processes, the redhead finally says,

"You're leaving aren't you?"

And Dazai weirdly loves the fact Chuuya is smart enough to figure that out with no more context than a small bomb and Dazai crying in the road at four in the morning.

Dazai nods, his lip quivering. "I--"

"I get it, you know. Mori...I get it," Chuuya says, placing the bomb down and moving to sit cross-legged on the ground in front of Dazai.

"You do?" Dazai asks.

"Yeah but...do you..you asked," Chuuya sputters. "Do you not want me to come with you anymore?"

Dazai almost wants to laugh. "Are you serious? Of course I do! But you love the Port Mafia and you're doing so well as an executive I can't take those from you. I shouldn't have ever asked you to leave with me, Chuuya. I'm--I'm so sorry," Dazai's voice breaks.

Chuuya looks shocked. "Yeah, I love the Port Mafia but I..I uhm.. I care about you...too." He looks a little pained as he says it, but he says it.

A sharp, warm pain spreads through Dazai's chest.

 "You shouldn't leave it. I won't let you, not for me. I'm not worth it."

To Dazai's surprise, Chuuya rolls his eyes at that.

 "GOD, you're such a drama queen. You are worth it, for the record, but just because you're leaving the Port Mafia doesn't mean you're falling off the face of the earth. I bet you even plan on staying in the city, so."

"So?" Dazai sniffles.

"So, we can still be...whatever it is we are. Obviously I won't be sharing anything about work with you, and it'll be a little annoying having to sneak around to meet you but..."

"Mori will question you."

"He will."

"You'll get caught. You'll get in trouble, Chuuya. He'll torture it out of you."

"You underestimate me, as usual."

Both boys stare at each other, wondering if what Chuuya said is true, if this can actually work. Dazai is imagining, feeling, a new reality where he doesn't have to be without his partner but he's also imagining Mori hurting Chuuya because of him, and again he thinks he might throw up, for real this time.

Don't throw up. Don't throw up.

"No, Chuuya," Dazai says as firmly as he can while crying. "I won't allow you to get hurt because of me."

The sentence is barely out of his mouth before Dazai feels the sharp sting spread across his face and hears the snap of Chuuya's palm meeting his cheek.

"Ouch Chuuya, what the fu--"

"You don't get to make decisions for me Dazai, you bastard. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions and protecting myself. So, respectfully, shut the hell up."

Dazai blinks in shock, clutching his cheek. Part of him wants to argue but Chuuya's eyes are storming with intent meaning it probably wouldn't be effective. And he has a point. And a completely overwhelming swell of relief is washing over him, causing the sobbing to start again because...maybe he won't have to be without Chuuya.

Chuuya reaches out, wiping away some of the tears with his thumb, tossing the bomb up and down in his other hand like a ball.

"I get why you didn't tell me...but really? Blowing my car up? That's a bit much...Drama queen."

Chuuya's lips draw into a smirk, and Dazai's sobbing turns into a sort of laugh-sob combo. He feels like the entire world is new, the aching in his chest turning from sorrow to something very different.

Chuuya laughs too. He leans forward and Dazai thinks he might kiss him, but Chuuya veers to the side. Easily, he attaches the bomb to the belly of the SUV and says. "But, your plans usually work out. So, maybe this will deter Mori's suspicions a bit."

Dazai smiles, sniffling away the rest of his tears. "Well, this is sure to be interesting."

"Yeah," Chuuya agrees. And now he does kiss him. Dazai is only faintly aware that the sun is coming up and that a car just honked at them and that it's actually freezing outside and he really needs shoes, because kissing Chuuya is louder than all of it.