CHRYSALIS

34.

As I was taming my ends with some serum, an intrusive thought entered my brain. I tried to ignore it but the girl in my head wanted to hurt me.

Is he nervous for today? Is he jittery and anxious too? I mean I'm sure he is, fans had to wait an extra year to see him, the pressure is on. I wonder who's there to settle him down, because it certainly isn't you.

I really missed when that voice was sassy and headstrong and fun. When it wasn't trying to send me into a depressive spiral.

In an effort to fight against the girl in my head, I decided on a gesture of good faith. Something simple, but meaningful, to let him know that I was still thinking about him today and that I still cared, even if that made me pathetic.

I wiped my hands on my jeans and went back to the suitcase. I grabbed an oversized camel-colored duster that I used to wear as a blanket around the apartment. It was comforting to have it with me on the road.

I grabbed my journal and pen from my tote bag and scribbled out a quick note before I could overthink my decision. I folded my lucky shirt gently, smoothing over the soft fabric again before placing the note on top and securing it under my thumb.

I stepped into the hallway, tightening my robe around me, and stepped down the hallway towards Harry's room. It was about the time that I realized I had no fucking idea which room Harry was in.

So I was just standing in the hallway in a robe, holding a shirt and looking like an idiot...seemed pretty on-brand for me.

I turned to head back towards my room, taking it as a sign from the universe that this was not meant to be happening, when Mitch stepped out from a doorway.

"Looking for someone?" He had a smug look on his face that I was not a fan of.

"Nope."

"Two doors down from yours on the right."

"Hm? Don't know what you're talking about."

"See you downstairs for breakfast." He turns and walks away with a smirk and a small headshake.

I audibly groan at my incredible ability to embarrass myself under any circumstances and quietly walk back down the hallway, willing the universe to let me finish this in peace.

I pass my room and walk two doors down before I crouch down slowly. I glance at the note one last time before folding it and tucking it into the pocket of Gramps' shirt.

for luck, today.
not that you need it, but you've got heaven and earth on your side.
we're both rooting for you.

jo. &
gramps.

It was just for today. It would be fine. I knew he would take care of it, he wouldn't let anything happen to it, but my heart still raced as I left it sitting on the ground.

I knocked twice before I could change my mind and then ran to my door like I had just played ding dong ditch at a cop's house. I was almost panting when I closed my door behind me, my heartbeat was pounding in my ears.

In a desperate attempt to distract myself from the rush of anxiety threatening to take over, I crawled back into bed. I grabbed my phone and decided to check social media and see what was going on today.

My Twitter mentions were just endless. They varied from article links with headlines of "Harry Styles brings new girlfriend on tour, is it more serious than we thought?" to photos of us leaving the airport, to bring called a cheating whore when I was photographed getting out of Axel's car, to the occasional death threat.