Hurts so good

52. Holy Grail.

''I'm sorry if you're busy, I'll come back another time. it's just that my mom sent me to come here and I didn't want to come because I seriously don't know anything about church and everything you kno-''

''take a moment and breathe'' I say as the boy went on without even stopping to breathe. ''Take a seat and we'll start this all over'' he sits and I go behind my desk and sit as well, something I really hate doing but since he is new to this whole thing, I don't know if he is comfortable with sitting on the couch that's in the corner of my office that I use for talking, its more intimate and I get to give any comfort if needed. Sitting behind my desk feels like there's a barrier between me and whoever and that's not always the best feeling. 

Lord forgive me, but I wanted to hold this boy's hand, could be for comfort or definitely just because I wanted to feel how his skin would feel in my palm. 

''Let's try this again, I'm father Richard, and you are?''

''My name is Nature, my mom told me to come here and meet you, said she had already told you about me, though she never said anything about you, she said I need to learn everything about the church, even though-''

''Nature, remember, breathe'' I say, God, he was so adorable, rambling on like that made me think of different ways I could use that mouth to stop it from overworking like that.

Shit.

''Sorry, I ramble when I'm nervous'' he whispers, his eyes are down staring at his hands that were playing with his nails while biting his lip, I'm the one who should be biting that lip, I want to bite that lip hard, so hard I'd hear him squeal. 

What the fuck is wrong with me today. The hunger I'm having for this boy is raw and primal I need to touch him or I'd go crazy.

I stand up and walk to the couch and indicate for him to come to sit next to me. As soon as he sits down, I take his hand into mine in a soft touch, not because I wanted to comfort him, but because I really need to touch him, feel how his skin would feel undermine. And lord help me, but I don't miss the goosebumps that run up his arm and the little shiver he gives when I ran my thumb across his fingers.

''There's nothing to be nervous about Nature, and yes, your mom spoke about you coming. Now I want to know if you just want me to be your guidance counselor or you want me to teach you about the ways of the church?''

''I want you t to be everything'' his answer was instant and the blush that followed was enough to notify me that he hadn't meant to say that.  

''Okay then, I shall be your everything... well obviously not everything because I have a vow of celibacy, but what I can, I will'' I say with a small smile just to tease him a bit and he doesn't disappoint, his face even turns redder.

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that'' he whispers again folding in on himself as if he could make himself smaller I wouldn't be able to see him.

''Tell me what's the one thing you want to do today'' maybe if I could get into his brain and see what he wanted to do, he would be more comfortable.

''um I was actually wondering if I could make, what do you call them? make a confession? before we start because I think I'm a sinner and I don't know if you'd want me to be part of your church because of who I am and also-'' 

''I would love to hear your confession Nature, but you have to know that, all are welcome in the hands of the Lord, we are all sinners but we just have to try and live life on the right path.''

''Okay''

God, I want to do so much to this boy, I was hanging on by a thread. 

''Okay, so confessions are on Tuesdays, you can come any time you feel comfortable, and I'll be waiting for you''