The boys by my side

Hospital room

Tears start to full my eyes. I was pregnant? The IUD is 99% effective. Wow.... I feel so sad. Namjoon pulls me close to him and kisses my hair. Suga rubs my back and wipes my tears with his thumb.

" I will give you a moment... Miss Lee be happy you are alive and there still Is a chance for a natural conception. I will send the ob/gyn in later to talk with you." Doctor

Both the boys say nothing and I am glad. I don't want to talk just cry. The nurse brings in some tea. Namjoon pours it for me and helps me drink it. I look to Suga and he looks so depressed.

" I am so sorry I lost our baby... I really didn't know I was pregnant... " me

" How could you know? You were really early in the pregnancy.." Namjoon

" And some mother fucker caused this crash... luckily she was caught and is in jail. " Suga

" I need you to know that this is devastating to me... I can't believe this is even real... I want to rest" me

" Sure... one of us can stay but one has to get back to work... " Namjoon

" Ok... I get it... so who is staying with me?" Me

" I have to get back  ... so Namjoon can be with you but I will be back later .. I don't want to leave you , but I know he will be here for you when I can't " Suga

I start to cry again. I nod my head but tears just flow down my face. Suga has tears in his eyes. He holds my face in his hands.

" Mae, I love you. I will see you soon. Please just let Namjoon comfort you " Suga

He kisses my cheek and then kisses my right hand. He walks to the door and doesn't look back. Namjoon gets in the bed with me. I feel so gross all of sudden.

"So I haven't had a bath since the accident ... I feel disgusting... can you call the nurse so I can shower?" Me

" Yes. I will be right back." Namjoon

He gets up and leaves. I am so exhausted. I lay back and close my eyes. I wake up to a women saying my name. 

" Miss Lee.. I am sorry to wake you but I am your on/gyn . We need to talk." Doctor

I open my eyes and see a women doctor. That makes me feel better to have a women explaining to me the whole fertility situation.

" Miss Lee you were in fact pregnant but it was an ectopic pregnancy. There was no chance of survival of the fetus. When you were in the accident the seat belt held you in place but you were upside down when the emergency workers got to the scene. The pressure cause the damage to the Fallopian tube on which the fetus had attached outside the uterus. You were bleeding into your abdomen. This was a life or death decision to save you. That kind of pregnancy alone came be life threatening. With the trauma to your Fallopian tube it need to be removed. You will have a 50/50 shot at a normal conception, when are ready to  have a child. " Doctor

" Thank you for explaining. I was feeling awful about the baby but knowing that it was a nonvable pregnancy.... well it still breaks my heart. " me

" That is completely understandable.... it is a rare thing to get pregnant on a IUD but it almost always a eptopic.  Please rest and the nurse can remove you catheter and help you take a shower. " Doctor

Namjoon walks in as the doctor walks out.

" Please just hold me.." me

" Of course.." he gets in to the bed with me.

We don't say anything and it is just want I need. I listen to his heartbeat. I fall asleep. I wake up to a nurse saying my name. I am alone.

" Miss Lee I am here to remove your catheter.
I sent the him out for privacy reasons. This will be uncomfortable." Nurse

I look away as she takes it out. Well that was ... weird. She helps me up to go the bathroom. She closes the door and I feel a lot better.

" I can help you shower.. or do you want to try alone.." nurse

" Can you have Mr. Kim be in the room? I want to try myself." Me

" Sure. Let me go get him." Nurse

I stand there and feel dizzy. Suga walks in.

" Hey . Are you ok?" Suga

" I thought you left?" Me

" I did just needed to work for a little bit. It was hard to concentrate... I have been worried sick about you " Suga

" Sorry this sucks... you want to stay close while I shower?" Me

" I can stay right here... you have been laying down for days .. you might be unbalanced " Suga

" True. " me

The nurse walks in .

" So this will go over you cast. Washing you hair one handed is hard but doable " nurse  

" Ok I would try ... Suga can you stay in here if I need you?" Me

" That's what I am here for.." Suga grabs a chair  so in the bathroom

I turn my back to him and take off my gown. I hear him gasp. I look over my shoulder at him.

" What? Is it bad?" Me

" Honestly... you are very bruised... it hurts me
To see you like this.. knowing some crazy fan did this to you." Suga"

"What did you say? A fan? A fan did this to me?" Me

" Yes. We we're going to wait to tell you but I have a hard time keeping things from you.. yes a fan was following you and thought it was Us. She said she just want to see us. She knew what our cars look like.. so followed the car from the airport...." Suga

I turn to him and hug him.

" Mae .. I am so sorry that my job put your life in danger .. and caused you to lose your baby.. I ... don't know how to describe to you how much this hurts me.. to see you bruised and broken." Suga

" Stop please I am fine... a broken arm is not the end of the world... help me shower.." me