Destiny »« Bucky Barnes

SIXTEEN

His breath hitches, but then he continues, the memory playing out behind his eyes. "That day on the bridge. We were told to eradicate Steve, Sam and Natasha. We had a task and we came back with our tails between our legs. When I came back, I was in a daze, because... because Steve knew my name." Realising how little sense he's making, how lost he sounds, he shakes his head slightly before turning towards her in the almost-darkness. "Do, uh... Do you remember that?"

"I remember." How could she forget?

For some reason, those two words strike deep in his chest, but instead of pain, there's something strangely comforting about it. Sometimes it's so hard to remind himself that he's not alone.

"Pierce was at the base when we returned. He... He tried slapping me, trying to snap me out of... whatever I was in, but then you caught his wrist before it could come into contact with my cheek."

As he says it, she remembers it all. Every detail. She remembers the fury coursing through her veins despite her memories gone and her will taken away. She remembers the aching in her chest, the way she yearned to remember at least something the way Bucky did. She remembers the way she darted across the room in a split second to protect him, even though they hated each other's guts at the time, and how confused she was after it happened.

Bucky's voice cracks. "Why? We... We were stone cold killers, assassins, and you stopped me from being slapped when I deserved it. Why?"

The emotion laces his voice, the pain behind his words, and for a second Evelyn just closes her eyes. It wasn't something she dwelled on much, in all honesty. It just felt right at the time, so she did it. That was all. But despite that, at his agony, the answer just comes so easily to her.

A sigh shakes her frame. "It's... It's one thing to hurt people you don't know," she whispers, so faint that Bucky has to strain his ears to hear it. "It's another to let the people you care about get hurt. I don't know, it was just an instinct. All I knew... is that the two of us had been through enough hurt to last a lifetime, even if we couldn't remember it all, and that little bit more just seemed extra... cruel."

It sounded so simple, so easy, but they both knew it was anything but. After all, they've both been through so much, and having something like that only seems to bring them closer. They had reason to hate each other before but... not any more. Not with all that's happened.

Instead, a shuddering breath escapes her lips and she closes her eyes, just for a moment. But despite it all, the crash plays out in her head. Over and over again, a reminder of just how alone she felt in that moment, in the moment her daughter's screams stopped and she was left in the room by herself.

Her eyes snap back open once more, gasping sharply. "I can't sleep."

Again, it feels so simple, sleeping. Not a lot of people in the world find themselves tortured with nightmares to the point they physically struggle to sleep, to make themselves rest, to not check every single exist every minute to make sure no one's after them.

But Bucky understands. How could he not? After what both of them have been through?

His voice is soft, then, and he can't control himself before he reaches out, fingers gently brushing against hers. She shivers involuntarily, caught off-guard by the metal, but the moment he tries pulling his hand away guiltily she grips onto it, and he knows that despite his own fear, they both need comfort. "Don't worry. I'll be here when you wake up."

Those are the words that echo in her head thereafter, and it feels so much easier, letting herself fall into a deep ocean that threatens to engulf her, soft touches all around her, a gentle caress into the sweet succour of sleep.