The Truths We Hide

Where am i?

" Hayden! Hayden ! Keep your eyes open please! We're almost there. You have to fight this , if not for you , for me..."
I could faintly hear voices as I was starting to zone out. The only thing I heard was " you have to fight this". Maybe I did not want to fight anything anymore and that is why I chose to close my eyes hoping I would never open them again. All I knew was I might die tonight. After closing my eyes I saw Raven. She seemed upset. She is after all my friend , we shared our darkest secrets together . I am very close to her same as Jane . Jane was always trying to cheer me up with sweet lies while Raven showed me the harsh reality. I knew the reason of Raven's apparition, it kind of scared me . Within seconds I lost complete consciousness. I blacked out.

Good morning sir , my name is Hayden Parker and I ...
"What if there is more than one person during the interview?" Jane interrupts me
" Jane I'm not even ready for an interview...how can I be ready for a job let's just stop with these rehearsals. I don't have an interview anyway.
" Come on Hayden you must be ready beforehand."
" I don't want to get my hopes high and get disappointed later. Jane? What if I'm not ready ? I gave her a hopeless look.
" You are twenty five years old Hayden! If not now , when?"

I could hear a man talking , his voice woke me up.
" Your daughter is lucky to be alive Mrs Parker. She can't talk right now she needs rest , you can come back tomorrow."
I was slowly waking up. I wanted to stop my mom from going but I was too weak to talk. I dreamt of Jane. First I saw Raven while I was zoning out and now when I'm coming back to life ,Jane appears in my dream. I bet she was the one who was in the car earlier. The room in which I was being kept in had nothing but a small table with a bottle of water. Window bars attached to 2 only windows in the room. I quickly understood that this was not a normal hospital. This is a psychiatric hospital! They've put me in a madhouse! The door must be locked I suppose! The Bandages around my wrist were so thick. Maybe the cut was really deep this time. Raven was nowhere to be seen. How I wish she was here. Alone with my thoughts in a room. What could be more dangerous than that.

Even if I end up staying here for days or weeks or even months , I had nothing to worry about because I don't have a job. I don't give a tinker's damn about what happens next .And if I go back home tomorrow there won't be any 'interview rehearsals'. Jane becomes someone else during these imaginary interviews. Funny how she gives me an unsmiling look which is very unusual of her. No matter how loving and cheerful she was , when it comes to my well-being she's a different person. I love how she puts her comforting hand on my shoulder , telling me she has my back no matter what. Being alone makes you miss everyone.

These thoughts brought a lump in my throat. I felt so miserable being on a bed unable to move. The light was flickering a little bit and my wrist was starting to ache. The sound of the clock ticking was so maddening. I kept picturing myself smashing this useless thing. Being in a madhouse makes you worry less of time. What's the use of knowing what time is it when the door is locked and you can't get out. It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I'm still awake. I hope this is the last time I come to this place because next time I try to kill myself , I'll make sure to do it when no one's home.