Dalliance

Hermione Granger

She thinks her eyes might be deceiving her. 

She knew she should've said no when Cassidy asked her if she'd wanted to go out tonight. She knew she should've.

Worst of all, she wasn't sure what she felt.

Was she relieved?

No. Definitely not. She can't be.

Hermione thought rubbing her eyes would fix this. Maybe she was hallucinating, the lack of sleep finally getting to her, or her mind was playing tricks on her. Maybe she had gotten that miserable, all alone in the muggle world that she was now seeing things, seeing people. But she would've seen Harry or even Ginny, she would've never imagined... him. She could still see his flashing blond hair with the corner of her eye even as she tried to look away.

Cassidy and Oscar were oblivious to her breakdown, if even she could call it that. Her heart was racing, that was certain, her head was pounding too.

"No, you promised!" she heard Cassidy frown as she pushed at Oscar. The sound of their voices was almost muffled. Her mind went in a hundred different directions from there.

The alcohol hadn't gotten in her system yet, she had been just one drink in and hadn't even planned to drink more. This was supposed to be a break for her and her coworkers, a peaceful Friday night out after a long and tiring day at the office. She needed this, she was in fact tired from working all day as a secretary and she rarely went out. Alcohol made her mind blurry and she felt as if just for a little while she would be able to forget her past as a witch, the people she had killed and the magic that was begging to be let out every day of her life. She could let it out, but the chances of the Ministry finding out were too high. If they were to find her, they would kill her.

Worst of all, there wasn't anything she could take to stop the urge to use her magic. She wasn't sure if even in the wizarding world such a potion exists. She constantly found herself wanting to warm her coffee when it had gotten cold at work or wanting to tame her curls which had gotten out of control and nothing seemed to work on them anymore. Hermione couldn't remember the last time she had worn her hair down, it was always in a bun low on her neck, a few curls managing to escape and get all in her face.

She had found one good use for her magic and that was Occlumency. It helped her with her secretary work and things she needed to remember, distractions she needed to forget. Sometimes, she felt as if her brain was too organized, so she would bring every memory and piece of knowledge she had carefully stored in the back of her brain and then proceed to reorganize them whenever she had time, until it was time to do it all over again.

She was so desperate to use her magic that she once accidentally used Legilimency on Oscar. He had immediately winced as he rubbed his temple and she immediately retracted. She knew he would never even have the slightest idea of what had happened, but she did feel guilty when he had described the pain as so strong that Cassidy had urged him to go and get checked for any brain tumors.

For awhile after that incident, she had wondered if she had gone completely mental. After having the slightest peak inside of Oscar's mind she was... confused. His mind was an entire mess, pieces of information scattered in all possible places, no hidden memories or any traumatic experiences that he wanted to forget. It was all in the very front of his brain and she wondered how he accessed it.

She did see a quite interesting memory though, more precisely him thinking of Cassidy when having sex with another girl. She had no idea Oscar fancied her friend.

Brought back to the present, Hermione was sure that she was going to start hyperventilating if she didn't get out of here.

But how would she explain this to her friends? Especially Cassidy, who has always shared every detail of her life, sometimes a bit too much, and always expected Hermione to do the same.