The Sandejas Family

Entry #3

Trigger Warning: This entry contains sensitive contents that can trigger readers. Please be warned and beware.

Note: The scene here is about Iñigo's thoughts after knowing Crest's case. Please read Chaining Lockets first before this for better understanding. Spoilers might be included here.

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Entry #3: His Kikay Princess

Iñigo's P.O.V.

What would you feel after knowing one of the people you loved and cherished the most is hurt and you couldn't even protect her? What would you feel after knowing that behind the smile and cheerfulness she's showing lies her sadness and trauma?

What should I feel after doing my best to protect her and make her happy but she ended up like that? Na kahit anong gawin ko'y hindi pala sapat, sa huli'y nasasaktan siya, sa huli'y hindi ko man lang naisip ang nararamdaman niya.

What did a father like me supposed to feel after failing to protect my daughter?

Ako...I felt like it's better if I end my life. I couldn't think right, ni hindi ko maisip ang nangyari sa anak ko at ito ako, abogado nga'y walang magawa sa kanya. Na ako itong may kayang humawak ng batas pero hindi man lang siya maipaglaban at maipagtanggol.

I loathe myself, I hate myself because I wasn't there when she's crying. Na ako iyong isa sa dahilan kaya nasaktan ang anak ko.

How can an unworthy person like me become a father? Did I even deserve this kind of life?

It's been months since I found out about it but I can't still get it off my head, it haunts myself, I couldn't smile and be happy. Kinausap na ako ni Thorn pero kahit anong gawin ko'y binabagabag ako ng konsensya at galit sa sarili dahil hindi ko naprotektahan ang anak ko, ang prinsesa ko.

I...I deserve to die.

My eyes landed on the sleeping pills I bought the last time to help me sleep, hesitantly, my hand reached for it and as I opened the lid to take one to help me sleep tonight, thoughts came inside my head.

I couldn't protect my family, I made my princess cry, I failed being a father. I don't deserve to be one.

Will it be better if I die?

It was as if my mind went blank, wala akong maisip kung hindi ay gawin ang balak, ang isang tableta ay muli kong dinagdagan ng halos kalahati. My shaking hands reached for it and I gripped it tightly on my palm, lifting it so I could swallow everything.

"Iñigo, tulog na si Crest—what the hell?!" may malakas na hampas akong naramdaman sa kamay ko.

"A-anong ginagawa mo, Iñigo Rafael?!" may sumapo sa pisngi ko at tila nabuhusan ako ng tubig nang makita ang mukha ng asawa ko sa harapan ko.

"T-Thallia..." I called.

"A-anong gagawin mo, huh?" her voice shook, "a-anong...bakit mo hawak 'yong m-madaming—"

When tears fell on her cheek, I felt something fell on mine too.

"I-I'm sorry..." I muttered and realized what I did. "I-I'm so sorry, baby...I'm so sorry..." I whispered and when she cried loudly, kaagad kong hinapit siya at sa nanginginig na kamay ay mahigpit ko siyang niyakap.

She sobbed loudly, I felt her gripping my shirt and my mouth parted, walang habas na ring nahulog ang luha at sinubsob ang mukha ko sa leeg niya.

"I'm sorry, T-Thallia. S-sorry, baby...sorry..." I said with my breaking voice, burying my face more on her shoulder while she's sobbing loudly.