Acceptance

The Other Path

"Be a nurse."

"Go to UC Berkeley."

"Look your cousin is going to be a doctor. Go be one too."

Growing up as a Filipino-American wasn't easy. I valued my family's expectations on myself more than my own mental health. My parents wanted me to go into a career in medicine. Whether it be a doctor or nurse, these were the only careers they saw for my future. Any other job would be labeled as a failure.

My parents thoughts made me strive to work harder. In high school I did as much as I could to satisfy them. I did AP and honors classes, I joined my high school badminton team, and I did a youth leadership program at my church. My life was busy. I came home late at night from practice and tried to finish those last two chapters in my AP world history class. I stayed up past twelve to study for that AP bio class in case there was a pop quiz.

I was reading, writing, working as hard as I could just to reach the end. However, during this time I experienced burnout. I was not getting enough sleep, not enough food, not enough time. I feared failure and I never took care of myself. One day during class I broke down. My whole world was spiraling downhill when I saw my grades decline. I cried during my first period class, I remember trying to tell my teacher I was not okay. Yet, they told me to go back to my seat. I felt everyone stare at me while I was crying. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what I was experiencing at the time and because no one reached out to me. I bottled up my emotions because I feared being judged.

When I reached my senior year I did apply to those Ivy League schools such as UC Berkeley and UC Davis. But, when I did, I got rejected. Any other person would feel defeated. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I applied to a community college right after high school, and it is one of the best decisions I made. In school I learned more about myself. I learned I don't want a career in medicine or in nursing. During the spring time I changed my major from pre-nursing to public health after reaching for help. I knew I still wanted to be in healthcare, but I wanted to do more administrative work. During this time I had the opportunity to become a mental health advocate at my school. I even held a panel via zoom where AAPI students talk about their struggles with mental health. It is one of my proudest moments.

I'll tell you right now. It took me a long time to accept who I am today. But, if I hadn't experienced those struggles I wouldn't be standing here today. You are not alone, help is always around you.