A Double-Edged Sword

The Decree

Chapter 1~ The Decree

Moisture clung to Lela’s eyelashes, struggling to break through the last remnant of her control. She was nearly running, rushing to escape the scent that seemed to be burnt into her nostrils. As soon as she was out in the open, she picked up her pace, sprinting away from the demons that chased her If she moved fast enough, perhaps she could outrun the fear and sorrow that sought to crush her.. The snow crunched under her boots as she fled, drawing in painful gasps of winter air and breathing in the cold, plain scent of winter.

Try as she might, it soon became clear that she couldn’t outrun herself, and eventually her need for oxygen forced her to stop. Sinking to her knees in the dirty snow, she turned her face to the sky, and directed her anger towards the heavens.

“You can’t let him die!” she shouted viciously.

He shouldn’t be dying. He couldn’t. It just wasn’t fair.

But she couldn’t deny what she had smelt with her own nose, seen with her own eyes, and heard with her own ears. She couldn’t forget the smell of the stale, pungent scent that permeated the stagnant air inside her own house. Her mind refused to forget the sight of him, lying pale and motionless on the bed, or the sight of her mother’s face as she tended to him. Nor could she shut her ears against the weeping prayers that her mother uttered when she thought that none of her children were close enough to hear. These sights, scents, and sounds played over and over on the stage in her mind, stubbornly refusing to leave Lela in peace. To give her even a few minutes respite.

And as they repeated themselves in fresh, vivid memories, Lela stopped fighting them. Her anger gave way to grief, and she wrapped her arms around herself as the sobs broke through her control.

She didn’t keep track of how long she stayed hunched over on the ground, but eventually her sobs subsided, giving way to shivers. Lela welcomed the cold wind, wishing it could numb her heart as effectively as it numbed her face or her fingers.

By the time she placed her bare hands in the icy snow, pushing herself away from the ground, the wind had pulled long strands of her hair out of the braided coil that she had knotted it in earlier that morning. It slapped at her face as she turned around, moving to face the direction of her small home. She didn’t want to go back. Her desire to avoid the house, mingled with guilt. She shouldn’t feel this way. He was her father. She should be by his bedside, alongside her mother, eagerly and willingly ready to attend to his needs. She shouldn’t begrudge him the pain that she felt. And she most certainly shouldn’t be irritated that his sickness had turned her life upside down. No, she shouldn’t be angry with her dying father. She should be by his side, working to prevent his death. Working to erase the growing knowledge, deep within her, that she would never again see him as she knew him, alive with strength and energy, working his lands with her brothers, or teasing her when her family sat gathered around the dinner table.

She closed her eyes, trying to preserve that image of her father in her mind, but the pale, clammy face with the shallow breath and sunken eyes crept in to replace the happy picture. A tear slid slowly down her damp cheek. Lela did nothing to stop its progress down her face.

Although it was selfish for her to stay away, she could not quite guilt herself into returning to the house yet. So she turned herself away from the path home, and staring towards the west, she sent a prayer towards the ocean that she knew lay beyond the ring of mountains that she could see peaking in the distance. She sent a prayer for her brothers to return before death staked its claim. Lela needed them. She needed their support and strength. Her older brothers had always been there for her. They often teased her mercilessly, but they also looked after and protected her. And more than that, they had always listened to her. She needed them now. Now that mother was too distracted to hold any real conversation and too concerned about her husband to care about anything else.